Can't Go Back Now
by SomeoneYou'reNot
Summary: It had been seven years. I had moved across the States. I graduated from university. I had gotten a book published... I carefully constructed myself a new life. And yet here I was, unable to stop thinking about him. In mere minutes he had been able to render the life I had spent years building for myself meaningless. I should never have come back. / AH. Full summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:** Seven years ago, Bella Swan left Forks, Washington without so much as a second thought. After her father has a minor heart attack, she decides she must return to take care of him. But just being back in town dredges up feelings and memories Bella had so carefully been avoiding for years. And then she sees _him_ – the very person who broke her heart and drove her from her hometown several years ago. He's back. And what's more? He's getting married.

 **x.x.x**

 **My apologies for the sub-par summary, I'm still trying to hone my summary-writing skills (is that a thing? I feel like it should be). I don't know what else to say. Enjoy? Good luck? Happy reading? Perhaps all three of those things.** ** **E** **njoy, good luck, happy reading!****

 **I feel the start of a new and wonderful catchphrase coming on.**

 ** _ **Disclaimer:**_ **I own nothing except for the plot.****

* * *

 **Can't Go Back Now: Chapter One**

 **-.x.-**

The afternoon sky was grey and gloomy, the clouds layered over one another, blocking out any traces of the sun. Deep thunder echoed from above, heavy with the weight of the approaching storm. I nervously gripped the steering wheel of my car. I wished the scenery could at least be of some comfort, but the dense forest that surrounded the area only added to the claustrophobia that was slowly creeping up on me.

 _Just breathe, Bella_ , I told myself, taking a deep breath and exhaling after a few seconds.

I'd been driving in silence thus far, struggling to not let misery consume me. My car radio had been broken for quite some time now, and without the distraction of music I was left completely alone with a head full of anxious thoughts and old memories.

I hadn't visited my hometown since I left it seven years ago.

The only thing that prevented me from going over the edge was the fact that it hadn't rained yet, despite the threatening storm clouds overhead. The dry sky was comforting, since the small town of Forks, Washington, usually saw nothing but rain.

I took another deep, steadying breath, and as I exhaled, a steady torrent of rain began to fall from above. The big, fat drops of rain thudded heavily against my car.

I fumbled to turn on the windshield wipers. The sound of the rubber skidding against the glass was oddly a comforting one.

I hummed the nursery rhyme my mother used to sing to me as a little girl in an attempt to cheer myself up. _Rain, rain, go away. Come again another day. Little Bella wants to play. Rain, rain, go away._

It didn't help.

Frustrated I pulled over to the side of the road. I rubbed my face in my hands and took deep steadying breaths. I could do this.

 _I could do this_.

My phone vibrated in my pocked and I jumped, startled. I fumbled to answer it; it was my father, Charlie Swan. My reason for returning to town.

My father had been the Chief of Police of Forks ever since was I born. Though I'd spent most of my life with my mother in Arizona, I had lived with Charlie in Forks all throughout high school.

After high school I moved in with my mother and her new husband in Florida, attending the University of Florida and getting my bachelors in English, specializing in Creative Writing. After graduating, I successfully managed to get one of my original works published, and I bought my own apartment.

About a week ago Charlie had a minor heart attack. Despite his claims that he was fine, I couldn't rest until I was in Forks with him. Someone had to be there to take care of him.

I flipped open my phone. "Dad?"

" _Hey Bells…could you pick us up some dinner from the diner?"_ He asked, sounding guilty.

I laughed. "Let me guess, your home-cooked 'Welcome Back Bella' dinner didn't quite turn out as planned?"

My father was a mess in the kitchen. It was a wonder how he'd fended for himself all these years. I had luckily been blessed with adequate cooking skills, and had cooked for the both of us while I lived with him. I'd taught him a few simple recipes, but clearly he hadn't improved much.

I promised him that I would pick up some food from the diner, omitting the fact that the meal would be healthy and heart-friendly, rather than his signature burger, fries and cobbler. I was going to do all I could to prevent him from having another heart attack.

Eventually I started my car, reminding myself that my father needed me.

Realistically, I had nothing to worry about; the very thing that drove me out of town was no longer in it.

As I drove towards Forks my surroundings became more and more recognizable. I passed by a familiar grouping of trees that had fallen in an intricate way, a telltale sign that one was nearing the town. Sure enough, a couple metres ahead was the "Welcome to Forks" sign.

I drove straight into town and stopped outside of the town's most popular (and only) diner, The Lodge. There were a couple other cars in the lot, and a tiny gang of motorcyclists. A car drove into the lot just as I turned off my engine. It was a beautiful sleek black car, clearly expensive and clearly out of place; most of the people here drove out-dated, family-friendly vans. And then there were the occasional pickup trucks, semi-decent cars and motorcycles.

I myself had driven a truck while living in Forks: a big red 1953 Chevy, with bulbous caps and a rusted frame – a gift from my father after getting my license. It was one of the few things I was upset to part with when leaving Forks.

My interest piqued as the owner of the black car stepped out.

And then I froze.

I recognized that man.

But he wasn't supposed to be here. Charlie told me his family had left not long after I had. That they had _all_ left town and never returned.

I closed my eyes tightly and counted to ten- sure that he would be gone when I opened them again, nothing but a figment of my imagination. But when I opened my eyes, there he was, grabbing his wallet from inside of the car.

My breathing ceased.

 _Edward was really back in town_.

I remembered the last time I saw him with crystal clarity. When he'd broken my heart and left me to pick up the pieces.

Several years had passed since then, but god, he still looked the same. The sexily dishevelled bronze hair that I used to run my hands through. The intense brows and impossibly green eyes that used to burn holes in me. The chiselled jawline and incredibly soft lips that I used to kiss. There was a light layer of stubble over his jaw.

He was wearing black slacks and a white button down without a tie. He looked incredible.

 _But what on earth was he doing in Forks?_

I laid low in my car and waited until Edward entered the diner before starting my engine and backing out of the parking lot like a madwoman. My tires squealed as I sped down the street, forgetting about the dinner I was supposed to be picking up.

When I was safely parked in Charlie's driveway, I sat back in my seat and took deep, shaky breaths.

What on God's green earth was going on? What was Edward doing back in Forks? How long had he been in town? Did Charlie know? Why hadn't he told me?

I hopped out of my car and stormed to the front door, pounding on it furiously. I needed answers. I needed answers _now_.

Charlie opened the door quickly. He looked well, for the most part. A few grey hairs littered the dark brown hair I had inherited from him, and he had acquired a few more stress lines, but other than that he seemed strong and healthy.

I barrelled past him into the house, stopping in the kitchen. My father closed the door and leaned in the kitchen entrance. "Well hello to you too, kiddo." He said amusedly.

I paced furiously in the kitchen, unable to respond.

"Bells, are you alright?" Charlie asked, standing up straighter. Concern lined his face.

I must have looked like an unstable mess.

" _Why didn't you tell me_?" I managed to finally say, stopping to face him.

Charlie stared at me in confusion and worry. "Bella, what on earth are you talking about? Tell you what?"

I started pacing again, trying to gather the strength to say his name out loud. I hadn't spoken his name in seven years.

"About _Edward_ , dad." I said after a few seconds of pacing. " _Edward_. What is he doing in town?"

Realization flooded Charlie's face. He closed his eyes and rubbed his face in his hands, exhaling wearily before looking at me again. "Bells… you might want to sit down for this." He warned me.

I stopped pacing and frowned. That didn't sound good at all.

I pulled out a kitchen chair and sat as advised.

Charlie took a deep breath, stress and worry etched into the lines of his face. I hadn't seen him look like this since, well…

Since Edward left me broken seven years ago.

Charlie cleared his throat awkwardly and crossed his arms. He closed and opened his mouth several times to speak, but said nothing.

"Dad," I exclaimed impatiently. "It's okay. Just tell me."

Charlie looked at me unhappily. "Bella, he's…" He trailed off.

You know that feeling of dread you get in the pit of your stomach when you receive a final grade and it's not what you were expecting? Or that feeling of anxiety that weighs heavily on your chest when someone solemnly says the words ' _we need to talk_ '?

Well those combined feelings were now eating me alive.

Charlie let out a deep breath and looked me in the eyes.

"Bella, Edward's getting married."

* * *

 **Now comes the moment of truth. First impressions?**


	2. Chapter 2

**I don't think readers fully understand how much their feedback means to authors until they become one. In other words, your reviews/follows/favourites mean the world to me. They honestly do.**

 **So to the few who reviewed, followed and favourited my story, I want to thank you by posting another chapter.**

 **Enjoy, good luck, happy reading. :)**

 _ **Disclaimer**_ **: I own nothing except for the plot.**

* * *

 **Can't Go Back Now: Chapter Two**

 **-.x.-**

I couldn't sleep. Heavy rain was pouring down, pattering on the roof and against my window, keeping me awake. I had grown used to the sound while living in Forks, but then I hadn't lived in Forks in a long time.

I gathered my blankets and made my to the window seat that Charlie installed years ago in my old bedroom. The big oak tree growing close to the side of the house obscured much of the view from the window. In the past I had used the tree plenty of times to sneak out. And plenty of times to sneak a certain _someone_ in.

It had been seven years since then, so why did it feel as if it were only yesterday?

I hugged my blanket more tightly around my body, craving more warmth, more comfort and security.

It had been a couple of hours since my conversation with Charlie in the kitchen. He explained that Edward had come into town with his fiancé just a few days ago, that they decided last minute to plan a large wedding in Forks. The rest of the Cullen family and wedding party would be arriving in Forks in a few days. Charlie apologized profusely for not telling me as soon as Edward had arrived, not knowing how to break the news to me.

Charlie went to bed shortly after, leaving me alone to deal with the news, to deal with my thoughts and emotions. My father had difficulty handling those kinds of things, and I didn't blame him; I had trouble with them myself.

And right now I honestly didn't know what to think, or what to feel at all.

It had been _seven years_. I had moved across the States. I graduated from university. I had gotten a book published. I bought my own apartment. I had amazing friends. I had dated other men. I carefully constructed myself a new life.

And yet here I was, unable to stop thinking about _him_. In mere minutes he had been able to render the life I had spent years building for myself meaningless.

 _Why did I come back here?_

I had moved on with my life, or at least I had convinced myself that I had. Of course I was here to take care of Charlie, but a part of me was wondering if I was using my father as an excuse to return to the place I had abandoned- a place that held so many memories of the past, both good and bad.

I sighed deeply, leaning back against the wall and closing my eyes.

It was just my luck that _he_ was back in town as well, and planning a wedding no less.

That was enough evidence to prove that he had moved on with his life. That he had forgotten me. He fell in love again (though it was questionable whether or not he had ever loved me in the first place), and he was marrying a woman in the _one_ place that in my mind served as a reminder of what him and I once shared.

Our memories were all over this town. _How could he do that to me?_

Was it not enough that he had broken my heart? That he had left me to carefully put myself back together again, not fully complete, and never able to trust my heart to another person? Did he have to destroy what was left of us too? Erase the memory of us from this town?

It was so frustrating that all of this came so easy to him, almost as if it were unintentional. In some ways it was; but had he expected me to never return to my hometown? Did he really think that I wouldn't hear about this from my mother or Charlie? That I wouldn't find out about the _grand wedding_ he had in Forks, where hardly anything interesting ever happened?

Or maybe he just didn't care. Maybe, I was the last thing on his mind. Maybe I wasn't even the last thing – I was erased from his mind completely.

I wanted to scream, or punch something. It wasn't fair. He had broken _my_ heart. He had left _me._ He had given me no answers, no reasons – _nothing_.

 _How could he just move on with his life while I was stuck here ruminating over the past?_

My mother warned me about coming to Forks, and she had warned me about falling in love at a young age. I should have listened to had been speaking from experience.

My mother, Renee, met my father when she was fresh out of high school. She had been on a trip traveling the length of the Pacific coast, and when she met Charlie in Forks, they fell in love and were shortly married.

My mother soon discovered married life in a small, rainy town wasn't great. She had been so caught up in her whirlwind romance that she didn't realize that she was really unhappy in Forks. When she became pregnant with me she tried to tough it out for two years, but eventually she took me and moved to Phoenix, Arizona.

Then, when my mother fell in love with Phil Dwyer, an amateur baseball league player, I knew I had to give them time to themselves. I decided I would move in with my father in Forks, despite my mother's relentless protests.

I soon discovered for myself that living in Forks was not easy. I missed the dry arid air and the hot sun of Phoenix. I hated how everything in Forks was so wet and green, and how the air felt saturated and heavy.

For a while I lived a rather quiet, sad life in Forks. Only a year passed before I began to contemplate accepting my mother's offer to move in with her and Phil, who were now fully situated in Jacksonville, Florida.

But everything changed in sophomore year. That was when I met the Cullens.

I could remember it all as if it were yesterday.

 **x.x.x**

It was December, sophomore year. I was quietly making my way to first period English when I heard someone yelling my name.

"Bella! Bella, wait up!"

I turned around to see none other than Mike Newton zigzagging through the parking lot towards me.

His blonde hair was spiked up with too much gel, as per usual. I liked Mike, but he was a little too… _eager_. Like a faithful golden retriever, following me around as though I had a treat in my pocket to offer him.

When he finally caught up to me he was out of breath. He hunched over and held out his hand indicating for me to wait while he caught his breath.

"I wanted- to know if- you-" He gasped for more air. "Were going to sit with us at lunch today."

" _I am_ , Mike." I replied impatiently. He asked me that question almost every day since sophomore year, and every day my response was the same. I wondered why he even bothered to ask anymore, as if one day I would just up and sit at someone else's table.

"Want me to walk you to English?" He asked when he had composed himself.

I smiled at him politely. "No, I'm fine. I'll see you at lunch!"

And with that I escaped through a group of passing students and entered the English outbuilding. When safely inside, I breathed a sigh of relief and made my way to the back of the class.

The class filled up with students, now more than just familiar names and faces, but people I knew better than I wanted to. Oh, the perks of living in a small town.

Halfway into the lesson, the door swung open.

"Oh, sorry, I thought it might be locked." Spoke a velvety smooth voice. "I would have knocked if that was the case."

The whole class turned their heads towards the source of the voice.

In came in the most handsome teenager Forks (if not the entire state of _Washington_ ) had ever seen.

He was wearing a black coat over a fitted grey shirt and dark blue jeans. He was lean but you could tell that he had an athletic body.

His emerald green eyes twinkled mischievously, and his perfect mouth was curved up into a small smirk that made my heart skip a beat. He had beautiful dishevelled bronze hair and a flawless, angular jawline.

He seemed unreal; like the guy you spend your life dreaming of but never seeing. The guy who's so handsome you almost despise him for it.

I could practically _feel_ the estrogen levels rise in the classroom.

Mr. Mason cleared his throat loudly, looking sour. "Ah, it seems as though we have a new student. Glad you could grace us with your presence." He said sarcastically. "Would you like to introduce yourself to everyone, or should I do the honours?"

The new student was unfazed by Mr. Mason's attitude, flashing him a large smile. "That's quite alright, but thank you sir." The mystery guy said pleasantly.

He turned to the class with a confidence and sureness beyond his years. "Hello everyone, I'm Edward Cullen. I just transferred here from Chicago with my brother and sister."

All of the girls in the class either swooned or giggled, talking amongst themselves. I overheard Jennifer Ford say, "If _he_ looks like _that_ , just imagine what his brother looks like!"

While the girls' behaviour disturbed me, my interest was admittedly piqued as well.

"How are you liking Forks High, Edward?" Katie Marshall asked, batting her eyelashes at him. Some girls rolled their eyes at her; only because they were jealous they hadn't asked him first.

"Well I just started," he answered, laughing softly. "But so far so good."

If I had been standing, my legs would have turned to jelly. He was so charming and perfect and – what on earth was I _thinking_?

That was when I refused to let myself melt the way the other girls were. It was pathetic, and I was no better. This _Edward_ person wasn't going to turn _me_ into a snivelling mess.

He could take his stupid gorgeous smile and his eloquent way of speaking and his tasteful clothes, and make all females swoon elsewhere.

"While this all seems rather interesting, I'd like to go back to the lesson." Mr. Masen interrupted. "You can all have your Q&A session with Mr. Cullen at a later time, not during my lesson."

"Now where was I…?" He asked the class.

"You were referencing something from Dante's _Inferno_." I reluctantly answered when nobody else did.

Lauren Mallory whispered "nerd" under her breath and exchanged a look with her best friend Jessica Stanley.

I rolled my eyes. I viewed that term more as a compliment than an insult.

Mr. Mason cleared his throat and wiped his face with his handkerchief. "Uh, right, Isabella. Yes. Now if you could kindly take a seat, Mr. Cullen. Yes… as I was saying before…"

Edward navigated himself towards the empty desk in front of me. As he made his way to his seat, he stared at me with an intense curiosity.

From where I was sitting I could see the pretty gold/hazel flecks that surrounded the pupils of his mesmerizing eyes. I couldn't bring myself to look away until he'd turned and sat down.

At that moment, I could feel my life already beginning to shift around me.

* * *

 **I'd like the universe to send me an Edward. As long as he doesn't break my heart, that is.**

 **Tell me your thoughts.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'd like to send a special shout out to** _ **kfoll**_ **,** _ **Limon-ka**_ **,** _ **left in bits**_ **,** _ **polyphany**_ **,** _ **frostedglaze**_ **, and that one random guest reviewer! Thanks for the reviews! I love love** _ **love**_ **hearing feedback.** _ **frostedglaze**_ **, your review literally made me laugh out loud, thank you for that.**

 **This chapter is longer than my usual ones.**

 **Enjoy, good luck, happy reading!**

 _ **Disclaimer**_ **: I own nothing except for the plot.**

* * *

 **Can't Go Back Now: Chapter Three**

 **-.x.-**

 _ **The past, continued:**_

Before lunch I had Spanish class with Ms. Goff.

I loved taking Spanish with Ms. Goff because she would usually just assign us a chapter in our Spanish learning books and then sit at her desk and take out a magazine and ignore us for the rest of the period, not caring whether we did our work or not. Spanish class was both an easy 'A' and a good time for me to get some reading done.

I was rifling through my bag to get my slightly worn-out but deeply treasured copy of Pride and Prejudice, when a rather short, well-dressed girl interrupted me. She was beautiful, with pale translucent skin, short jet-black hair and stunning blue eyes.

"Hi there, I'm Alice Cullen." She said in her pretty, melodic voice.

I tried not to gawk. So _this_ was Edward's sister. All I could think was _what is up with these Cullen kids being so impossibly perfect?_

I stared at this bright-eyed girl wondering why on earth, in a classroom of 23 students, she was talking to _me_ of all people – especially when I probably didn't look the most inviting. Reluctantly I set my bag down and offered her a timid smile.

"Bella Swan." I replied.

"You look like you have a million thoughts swirling around your head, Bella." Alice observed, laughing lightly.

I nodded, not exactly sure how to respond.

" _Oh_ , I know what it is. Have you met my brother, Edward?" She asked, looking at me wearily.

"Yes. He's-"

Alice raised her hand as if to stop me. "If you say 'hot', 'sexy' or 'crazy-bangable'. I am literally going to puke." She cautioned.

I laughed lightly. "Actually, I was going to say he's in my English class."

"Oh thank goodness!" Alice said, smiling. "You do _not_ know the crazy shit I've heard this morning." She said exasperatedly.

 _I can imagine_ , I thought to myself, my heart skipping a beat as I remembered those smoldering green eyes and that perfect smile.

 _No._ Not good. _Those are_ bad _thoughts, Bella_.

"I don't even want to imagine." I told Alice instead.

"I take it you aren't as, _receptive_ to him as the rest of the school's female population," she said with a smirk.

 _Well…_

"I don't really know him." I replied, shrugging casually.

"You're too kind." Alice said with a chuckle. "I bet he made a grand entrance and did a wonderful job of sweeping majority of the girls off of their feet."

I smiled. "Something like that."

"That's Edward for yah." She said, shaking her head amusedly.

We continued an effortless conversation until the bell rang; something I had never done with anyone in the past 2 and a half years of being in Ms. Goff's class. Instead of learning Spanish, I was learning about Alice and the rest of the Cullen family.

The Cullens moved to Forks to be closer to Esme's sister, and to get away from the city life. Alice didn't elaborate, but I had a feeling there was more to that story than she was letting on.

Her father, Carlisle, is a doctor; and her mother, Esme is an interior designer. Carlisle and Esme Cullen are the biological parents of Edward and Emmett, who's a year older than us. Alice was adopted when Carlisle and Esme were led to believe that they couldn't conceive any more children after Emmett, but then along came Edward.

Alice knew nothing of her birth parents, and frankly she wasn't interested in them. She disclosed that she dreamed of a future involved in fashion, and that she loved playing the stock market – which I found highly unusual but incredibly cool. Apparently she's _very_ good at predicting outcomes.

Something that really intrigued me about Alice was that she firmly believed that "the One" was out there somewhere, waiting for her. I've never really believed in such notions as "the One" or "soul mates", but the impassioned way Alice spoke about it made me wish I did.

Alice also mentioned a bit about Edward; how interestingly enough, he's never actually been in a steady relationship. She said that aside from football, he loves to read; and that he collects CDs, and can play the piano like a concert pianist. Somehow I had a feeling that she wasn't exaggerating.

A part of me wished I could hear him play.

Alice even told me about Emmett; that he's always been the kind of guy that prefers commitment and serious relationships. That even though he seems like the classroom joker or your typical "jock", he's actually pretty intelligent.

By the end of the period I felt as though I almost knew the Cullens inside out. And despite the fact that Alice and I had very different personalities, we shared a special dynamic that I had never experienced with any friends before.

We walked to the cafeteria together after class, talking and laughing. I tried to not feel self-conscious as our classmates stared at us.

Alice even pointed it out. "I knew people would stare because I'm new, but they look more surprised than they do curious."

More than just a few people were shooting the both of us looks of confusion and astonishment.

"I think they're surprised that you're talking to me." I admitted.

Alice tilted her head and looked at me inquiringly. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't know. You're Alice Cullen, the new and beautiful _fashionista extraordinaire_ ,"

Alice laughed and rolled her eyes at my description of her.

"And I'm Bella Swan, quiet, reserved and bookish." I explained to her. "People are probably surprised that you've started hanging out with me."

 _Hell,_ I _was surprised._

"Really?" Alice replied, scrutinizing me. She shook her head. "You don't give yourself enough credit Bella."

We joined the lunch line and she continued. "The way I see it, I'm just the new girl who's been taken under the wing of this funny, _gorgeous_ , intelligent person; screw what any of these idiots think or say."

I blushed lightly and smiled at Alice as I added a piece of pizza and a can of Coca Cola to my tray. "Touché."

We paid for our food and proceeded to walk to an empty table. Halfway there we were stopped by who I could only presume to be the remaining Cullen sibling – Emmett. He was tall like Edward but more muscular, though not unpleasantly so. He had slightly wavy brown hair and beautiful ice-blue eyes.

 _Another perfect, extremely attractive Cullen._

"Ladies." Emmett said, flashing me a charming smile. He had the cutest dimples I had ever made me even more curious to see what their parents looked like.

"Emmett!" Alice squealed excitedly. "This is Bella."

I smiled at him nervously and stuck out my hand. "Bella Swan, it's um, nice to meet you."

"Emmett Cullen," He mimicked me good-naturedly. His warm hand enveloped mine in a nice, strong grasp. "The pleasure's all mine."

I laughed, unable to meet his pretty blue eyes.

"I was just about to ask Bella to come over for dinner after school today." Alice told him, smiling at me.

I looked at her in surprise.

"Sounds like a good idea." Emmett replied with a warm smile.

"Bella?" Alice asked.

I looked between them, flustered. "Uh, yeah, sure."

"Great." Emmett boomed. "Well ladies, if you'll excuse me." He said, grinning and moving out of our way to sit at the caf table surrounded by Forks High's senior athletes.

I turned to Alice once he was gone. "You weren't exaggerating," I told her. "He's incredibly friendly."

"Like a big teddy bear. Literally." She replied, smiling back at me.

Right before we could sit at our table Alice and I were interrupted again – this time by a less welcome sight. Mike Newton popped up out of nowhere, looking pretty tense.

"Hey, Bella!"

"Hey Mike." I replied politely.

"Are you coming to sit with us or…?" He asked, staring at me with puppy dog eyes, to no effect.

 _Oops._ I'd forgotten about my usual lunch spot at Mike's table in the wake of meeting Alice.

"Oh, sorry Mike, I'm kind of busy." I answered, gesturing to Alice. "Have you met Alice Cullen?"

Alice smiled graciously at Mike and stuck out her tiny hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Yeah, we have History class together." Mike said, lightly shaking Alice's hand before turning back to me. "She could sit with us too."

"I think we're okay here, right?" I asked Alice, who nodded in agreement.

"Thanks, though. Really." I told Mike courteously. Alice and I stepped around him, finally able to sit at our table. But Mike remained hovering over my shoulder.

"Who was that guy you were talking to?" He asked, a little too innocently.

"That was Alice's brother, Emmett." I answered, exchanging a perplexed look with Alice. "He's _really_ great." I said. Alice giggled beside me.

"Oh. Alright." Mike replied, looking disheartened. He sulked back to the table where we usually sat with Angela Weber, Ben Cheney, Tyler Crowley, and Conner Davies.

Alice tinkling laughter rang out as soon as Mike was gone. "What was _that_ about?"

I shrugged. "I have no idea what's up with him. He doesn't usually hover so hard." I answered, taking a sip of my drink.

But Alice still looked inquisitive.

"Oh…"

"Em's _really_ great, huh?" She asked amusedly, raising an eyebrow.

I blushed. "Yeah, sorry about that. I just wanted to shoo Mike away."

"Uh huh." Alice replied, smiling. "So Mike's not your boyfriend right? I almost thought he was going pee on you and call you his territory, or something." She said casually.

I snorted Coca Cola out of my nose.

" _What?!_ "

We both laughed as I wiped my face and shirt with napkins.

"He is most definitely _not_ my boyfriend, nor will he ever be." The mere thought was cringe-worthy. I mean Mike was a great guy, but there was just nothing there. No chemistry, no connection…

I found myself thinking about green eyes.

"Ooh yikes, you should probably let him down easy." Alice said, shaking me out of my thoughts. "The guy seems incredibly hung up on you." She cast a pitying look his way.

"I've actually told Mike time and again, as kindly as possible, that I'm not looking for anyone. And still he persists." I informed her. "I swear he won't back down until I'm completely taken with someone else."

Alice shook her head sympathetically.

"Anyways," I said, wanting to steer the topic away from Mike and my love life in general. "I wanted to ask, are you sure you want me to come over today? I mean, you guys moved here so recently and I don't want to get in the way of anything."

"Absolutely!" Alice exclaimed. "You won't be in anyone's way."

"Plus," she continued, eyes alight with happiness. "I have a feeling this is just the beginning of what's going to be an amazing friendship."

I smiled at her appreciatively; I couldn't agree more.

 **x.x.x**

I walked Alice to her English class before I made my way over to Biology II with Mr. Banner.

I sat on my usual stool at the back. I was the only person without a lab partner, since the class had an uneven number of students. I preferred working on my own though; half the class had no idea what they were doing.

There were microscopes on our lab tables, and I remembered that we had an in-class assignment today. We were supposed to label, analyze and draw pictures of slides containing onion root cells at varying stages of mitosis. The slides were not in the natural order of mitosis, and we were not allowed to use textbooks; this was Mr. Banner's challenge to us all.

After all of the slides had been handed out to each group, there was a knock at the door.

Mr. Banner answered the door and my heart skipped a beat as none other than Edward Cullen walked in. He handed Mr. Banner a paper and Mr. Banner, being a no-nonsense kind of teacher, briefly introduced Edward to the class and told him to find himself a seat.

I groaned inwardly; the only empty seat was the one next to me.

I busied myself with tinkering with the microscope in front of me as Edward sat down without a word, drawing his stool closer to mine.

Before I could overthink this new… _situation_ , he suddenly turned to me and smiled. "It's Isabella, right?"

His intense green eyes searched mine as I tried to form a coherent sentence – something incredibly difficult for me to do while in his presence. All I could think was, _he remembered my name?_

I told myself it didn't mean anything.

"Bella." I finally mumbled back, breaking our eye contact to toy with one of the four slides on our lab table. I needed something to distract myself with. In this proximity I could smell him, and he smelled _incredible_. It didn't smell like cologne; but it was overwhelming good. And it was throwing me out of focus.

"Bella." Edward echoed in his beautiful voice.

"So, _Bella_ , what are we doing today?" He asked attentively.

"Um," I replied, flustered. I looked down at my notes. "Onion root cells in various stages of mitosis,"

"Okay, sounds easy enough." He replied. I looked back up at him, perplexed. _Easy?_ Most people in this class turned green at the thought of this assignment. "Sorry," Edward apologized. "Continue."

I nodded awkwardly. He made me feel so damn _nervous_. It was as though I hardly had any control over myself.

"So, first we have to determine what stage of mitosis the cells are in, then draw what we see through the microscope." I told him. "Then we write down an explanation as to why we think the cell is at that stage."

"Alright." Edward responded, looking over the slides and our handout. Was I crazy, or was he _actually_ interested in the lesson?

I tried to set our first slide into the microscope but in my nervousness my hands were trembling. _As if I could_ be _more embarrassing,_ I thought, blushing furiously.

Edward kindly reached over to help me, our hands touching. As if I'd touched a live wire, a jolt of electricity shook through my body, leaving me breathless. I almost dropped the slide in my shock.

"Sorry." I muttered quickly.

But Edward seemed not to have noticed as he gently took the slide from my hands and set it into place.

"There you go." He said softly, looking into my eyes.

"Thanks." I murmured back

Remembering the task at hand, I leaned over and looked into the microscope, carefully tweaking the lens setting to get a better look at the slide.

"Slide one is uh, _Anaphase_." I said, filling in the blank on the sheet Mr. Banner had provided.

Edward smiled at me, sending my heart into a frenzy.

I hated when he did that.

"Would you mind if I took a look?" He asked.

Although doubtful he knew his stages of mitosis, I wordlessly passed the microscope over to him. He looked into the eyepiece briefly. "Yup, that's Anaphase alright."

I nodded; I'd already known that.

Edward stared at me. "Would you like to draw it, or…?"

"Do you draw?" I asked him.

"Only when I have to." He responded, smiling _again_.

"Then you're drawing." I told him, sliding over the sheet and my pencil. At this rate I would probably be unable to draw in a straight line without trembling, let alone pick up a pencil to draw. Edward chuckled, proceeding to sketch the slide.

The rest of the class time followed in a similar manner. We would exchange a few words here and there, my heart would threaten to beat out of my chest, and we would pass the microscope and slides between the two of us.

We didn't even need to crack open the textbook underneath our lab table to double check – something that the rest of the class was doing, and not even covertly.

It turns out that Edward was actually rather intelligent, surpassing even my knowledge of the cell stages. He had been in the AP Biology program at the private school that Alice, Emmett and he had attended in Chicago. Alice hadn't mentioned that.

In spite of myself, I found myself warming up to him. He was still mostly a mystery to me, but now I knew he was more than just a pretty face in expensive clothing.

When the bell rang, we had one slide to go. The rest of the class was only halfway done so Mr. Banner extended the due date to tomorrow, something that was generous and out of character for him.

That meant Edward and I would most likely spend most of tomorrow's class with nothing to preoccupy us. I tried not to dwell on it as I grabbed my things to leave.

"See you tomorrow, Bella." Edward said as we left the classroom, locking his beautiful eyes onto mine. I was easily lost in their emerald depths.

"Bye Edward." I mumbled back, watching as he smiled and walked away, disappearing into the crowded hallway.

I didn't like it. It had only been a couple of hours since I first met him, and already the way I felt about him… I had never felt this way about anyone before.

Seeing him made my pulse quicken; looking into his eyes incapacitated me. Simply being in his _presence_ was incredibly intoxicating. When we spoke, it was just the two of us; the rest of the world ceased to exist.

There was some kind of energy; some kind of spark between us, and I couldn't help but wonder, _did_ _Edward feel it too?_

I was inexplicably drawn to him, and I didn't know why…

All I knew was that I didn't like it.

I didn't like it at all.

* * *

 **Let's give a warm welcome to Alice and Emmett!**

 **Question: have you ever felt about someone the way Bella feels about/around Edward? I have. Sadly it led nowhere.**

 **Review/follow/favourite to cheer me up? That would be nice.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to those who reviewed/favourited/followed this story!  
** _ **kfoll**_ **, I love how pertinent your reviews are!  
** _ **polyphany**_ **, you made my heart melt. I hope one day to find a love like that.  
** _ **LRK860**_ **, have you been living in my head? Hopefully this chapter will hold some of the answers that you're looking for.**

 **A few more things I wanted to clear up: this story is all human, I too am not a fan of cocky guys, and** _ **everything**_ **happens for a reason.**

 **Enjoy, good luck, happy reading everyone!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot.**

* * *

 **Can't Go Back Now: Chapter Four**

 **-.x.-**

"Bella?" I heard my father's voice and a tentative knock on the door.

I opened my eyes and squinted when brightness hit them.

Light was streaming through the pale yellow curtains of my bedroom window. But it wasn't the pure sunlight you would find in Florida; it was the filtered sunlight that fought it's way through clouds to reach you, which meant that I was in… _Forks_.

Not only that, but I was curled up in a wad of blankets on the floor of my old bedroom at Charlie's house. I slowly sat up and stretched my legs out in front of me.

 _How did I get on the floor_?

I concentrated on stretching out my tired back, wincing as pain shot through my right shoulder blade.

 _Crap_. That was definitely strained.

"Bella, are you awake?" Charlie asked from outside of my door.

I looked around at my surroundings, my mind muddled. "I certainly hope not." I muttered. My old bedroom looked completely untouched since the last time I had been in it. Everything was the same: the faded blue walls, the antique rocking chair, the old desk with the ancient modem; wires stapled to the floor so that I wouldn't trip over them.

I closed my eyes, making a mental list of everything that had happened last night.

 _I drove back to Forks._

 _Charlie needed me to pick up dinner._

Edward was at the diner.

 _Was I losing my mind?_

 _Forget_ dinner _._

 _I raced home to Charlie for some answers._

 _He looks unhappy._

 _Edward is getting married._

 _Edward is getting married?!_

I groaned and lay back on the floor with a huff, grimacing when I hit the hardwood.

"Bells are you okay?" Charlie asked hesitantly.

 _Was I?_

I had been hoping that it was all a terrible nightmare. I thought that I would wake up in my stylish two-bedroom apartment in Florida, and my roommate and best friend, Rosalie, would walk into my room to wake me up, only to discover that I was already awake. She would see that I was shaken up and she would ask me what happened. Then I would tell her about my dream and like the good friend that she is, she would tell me that it was simply just _a dream_.

But here I was, in Forks. And the man who had done irreparable damage to my heart was also here, getting _married_ at precisely the exact moment that I had chosen to return.

"Bella?" The worry in my father's voice was palpable, and my focus shifted to the man standing in the hall outside of my door.

 _Charlie_.

My father was the reason I had come to Forks in the first place. My only concern had been to take care of him – the man who had taken care of _me_ during the most difficult time of my life.

I owed everything to him.

If it hadn't been for my father I probably would have stayed in Forks, selling camping gear at Newton's Olympic Outfitters and being harassed by Mike for the rest of my life. But it was Charlie who said enough was enough after I had wallowed in self-pity for two months. He packed my bags, gave me a one-way ticket to my mother's place Florida, and said, "Bells, I love you more than anything in the world, but this is for your own good."

It was Charlie who visited me in Florida every six months after I had settled down. It was Charlie who called me once a week for the past seven years to make sure that I was okay.

My father had cared for me, loved me and protected me my entire life – even when he wasn't in the picture. And if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be the successful woman that I am today.

But here I was, lying on the floor like an ungrateful mess, nursing a heart that had been broken by some stupid teenage boy _several_ yearsago.

I know that first loves are the ones that remain ingrained in the hearts of plenty of people, but this was getting ridiculous.

It had been _seven_ freaking _years_. I had moved across the States. I graduated from university. I had gotten a book published. I bought my own apartment. I had amazing friends. I had dated other men. I carefully constructed myself a new life. But most of all, I had proven to myself that I _did_ have the ability to move on.

So how had I suddenly become the sort of person who allowed my self-worth and personal success be tainted by the reappearance of a ghost from my past?

Not only had I lost sense of who I was; I had let the entire situation distract me from the one person I cared about most – my father. My only priority should have been to make sure that he was okay as soon as passed the Forks "Welcome" sign. Reappearances from my past or not, ensuring the well-being of my father should have been the most important thing to me.

This was not the time for me to be the selfish teenager I had been years ago.

"Hey dad?" I quietly asked, wondering if he was still waiting in the hallway.

"Bells?" Charlie replied instantly. He still sounded worried.

"I'm okay."

I could hear my father exhale loudly, relieved. "Okay. I'll be downstairs if you need me." He said.

I listened to his footsteps as he went down the stairs.

My self-pity ended _now._

I was going to make my father a delicious, health-conscious breakfast, and then I was going to call Rose and tell her everything. If there was one person on earth who could knock some sense into me and give me a new perspective, it was Rosalie Hale.

I untangled myself from my sheets and threw them onto my bed. Falling asleep on the window seat had not been the best idea; I slowly massaged the knot in my shoulder before going to the bathroom to quickly freshen up.

When I went downstairs, Charlie was sitting in his favourite recliner in the living room. The television was set on a football match, but the sombre look on my father's face told me that his mind was elsewhere.

"Dad?" I asked tentatively.

Charlie quickly turned to look at me, a smile instantly replacing the serious look that had been on his face. "Morning Bells."

I smiled back at him uncertainly. "Are you alright?"

Whatever had been preoccupying his mind must have been pretty important to distract him from a football game.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He asked, frowning.

"Well for one, you're spending your Sunday off _indoors_ rather than out fishing – and don't tell me it's doctor's orders, because I spoke to Dr. Gerandy and he said that it was therapeutic for you." I said, looking at him sternly. "And two, you're hardly watching the game and the _Seahawks_ are playing."

Charlie scratched his head, looking guilty.

I groaned. " _Please_ do not tell me that you skipped out on your weekly plans with Billy because of _me_."

"Is it wrong of me to want to look after my baby girl?" My father asked innocently.

Some _baby girl;_ I was almost _25_ for crying out loud.

I rolled my eyes, cracking a small smile. "That's sweet, but I'm _fine_." I replied firmly. Thankfully Charlie wasn't exactly one to pry when it came to ' _you know who',_ so he didn't say anything – though I could see the concern behind his eyes.

"Besides, it's my job to take care of _you_ now." I said. "So I'm going to go to the kitchen to make us a deliciously nutritional breakfast, and _you_ are going to invite Billy over tonight to watch whatever game's on." I told him, backing away to the kitchen.

"Alright, I'll give him a call." Charlie conceded, beaten. I smiled at him brightly.

"And I'd love some breakfast," He chuckled. "But just so you know, it's almost one in the afternoon."

I paused in the kitchen entryway. "Well in that case, I'm going to make us some _breakfast_ for _lunch_." I replied, chagrined.

My father laughed as I retreated into the kitchen, mumbling about know-it-all parents.

My heart soared upon hearing his laughter; I was glad that I could make him do _something_ besides worry about me.

"I'm glad you're here, Bella." Charlie said as I heated the stove to cook our lunch.

I smiled, because despite the things that had happened upon my arrival in town, _I was too._

* * *

 **Bella's strong and she knows her worth, but it's pretty hard to mend a broken heart when you have no answers. Sometimes you need to grieve, sometimes what it takes is time and a firm resolution.**

 **Review/favourite/follow if you encourage Bella's revitalization!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you** _ **polyphany**_ **,** _ **Kgunter34**_ **,** _ **cullenmeadow**_ **,** _ **kfoll**_ **,** _ **madkins**_ **and** _ **Tolazytosignin**_ **for your reviews! As always, they mean a lot to me.**

 **Sometimes I feel as though the characters control me, rather than it being the other way around. To some extent, it's true. Anyways, this character wanted to be heard.**

 **Keep an open mind.**

 **Enjoy, good luck, happy reading.**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot.**

* * *

 **Can't Go Back Now: Chapter Five**

 **-.x.-**

 **EPOV:**

Every morning for the past few days, I have woken up with only one thought on my mind: _I don't want to be here._ I would wake up, get dressed, make some coffee, eat my breakfast, and wish that I were doing this somewhere else. _Anywhere_ else.

Being here was torturous.

I would be out running an errand, and the next second I would be parked in front of a place that held memories of a past I longed to forget.

I hadn't heard from her in several years, but everywhere I went I could see her, smell her, _feel_ her. Her presence was all over this town. I would walk down the street and see her in other people; someone would have her chocolate brown eyes, another her long brown hair, the next her heart shaped face. I would go to the grocery store to buy fruit and the smell of strawberries would transport me to first time I saw her; it was the scent of her hair.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would return to Forks.

To me it wasn't just a little town in the Olympic Peninsula. To me it was the place where I had first fallen in love. The place where I first met _her_ , the girl who would change my life forever.

 _Bella_.

Even though it had been seven years, simply thinking her name could cause me so much pain.

Giving her up was the hardest thing I had ever done – it had almost destroyed me.

Though I might have been an arrogant teenage boy at the time, the love I had for Bella was deep and profound. Unparalleled and incomparable to any love I had ever known; like the sun to the stars.

I don't think anyone would ever understand if I told them. After all in high school you're immediately deemed young, vulnerable, and susceptible to lies and falsehoods. You have your entire life ahead of you. There are plenty more fish in the sea, therefore it's nonsensical to remain hung up on one person.

But the kind of love that I felt for Bella is the kind of love that can only be found when you completely open your heart and let yourself go. It's a kind of love so passionate and deep that it that leaves you as a shell of your former self, as unhealthy as that may seem.

It's the kind of love that changes you forever. Everything you thought you knew is transformed. Your perceptions, your dreams, and your goals – everything changes, but for the better. You see the world as a brighter, more beautiful place. You begin to dream larger, believe in yourself, and believe in other people. You begin to strive for more, because with that _one_ _person_ beside you, anything is possible.

Maybe that kind of love is unhealthy. Maybe it's childish. Maybe it all _is_ just a fantasy; something a person can only dream of having. Maybe most people don't believe in it because they've never been fortunate enough to feel that way, the same reason why they remain skeptical and unconvinced it's real.

But I knew how I felt. Bella had been everything to me, and more. Maybe I shouldn't have invested myself in her to that extent. It was only _high school_ , after all. I had the rest of my life ahead of me to feel so passionately about things, to fall in love. But you can't control who you fall in love with; when it happens, it happens. And it happened to me.

Maybe I should have been grateful, as the chance to love that deeply is bestowed upon a rare few; but I had been _angry_. Angry that I was allowed to feel that way before that love was unfairly ripped from my hands through circumstances I couldn't control. I was angry at the world, angry at the notion of God, angry at the thought that I had to keep on living.

After three years of self-loathing and misery, I met Tanya Denali.

When I first met Tanya, I was convinced that I was broken beyond repair, but she had picked me up at the lowest point of my life and turned everything around. She had been there to fill the void, and she had turned me into someone new; a better version of myself. She never once inquired as to why I was the way I was; she simply helped me recover.

It wasn't at all easy.

Our relationship was long and tumultuous, but we eventually made it work, and after four years, I proposed. She had been my rock, even when I didn't deserve her. I was contented in marrying Tanya; we had an unspoken connection, a partnership. I would marry her anywhere – I just never thought that it would be here, in _Forks_ of all places.

I hadn't known it then, but this had been a part of Alice's plan from the very beginning. Alice hadn't been a big fan of mine ever since our family moved out of Forks. I should have trusted the nervous feeling in my gut when my sister called to congratulate Tanya and I out of the blue. The next thing I knew, Tanya was agreeing to let Alice plan our wedding.

This was a disaster waiting to happen.

Alice had never forgiven me for breaking Bella's heart; I hadn't been the only one to fall in love with Bella – my entire family had too. When I broke up with Bella, I had taken her away from them as well. I took away someone who was like a daughter to my parents, a sister to Emmett, and the best friend Alice had ever had. Before leaving Forks, Bella as good as severed all of her ties to Forks, with the exception of her father. It devastated Alice.

I just didn't understand, when everyone else in our family had understood my decision and accepted the reality of the situation, why Alice was _still_ holding a grudge.

Either way, I wasn't going to let my sister destroy this for Tanya and I.

Therefore, after my future wife's agreement with my sister, I called Alice and swore that though I loved her dearly and knew she was upset with me for everything that had happened in the past, if she ruined this wedding for Tanya, I would cut off all ties I had to our family. Yes, it was a little extreme, but I needed the insurance. Nothing was going to ruin Tanya's big day – especially not my sister's grudge against me.

Alice has never been the selfish type, and she knew how devastated our parents would be if I stayed true to my word; so she promised to do the best job that she could, her issues with me set aside.

And while she did the best job she could, my sister also made her feelings very clear: she was still upset about the past, and she wasn't going to let it go anytime soon.

Tanya wanted a destination wedding, and I agreed, thinking it would be in Tahiti or Brazil or some other tropical country. But Alice said she had the perfect place in mind: a quaint, beautiful little town located just along the Pacific Coast in the Olympic Peninsula. That's when the sinking feeling in my stomach came back; here it was, the disaster.

The only time Tanya had heard of Forks was when I told her that my family had lived in the small town for about 2 years before moving back to Chicago. Somehow, my conniving sister had managed to convince Tanya that in Forks she could throw the most beautiful wedding anyone had yet to see.

I'll admit; I did snoop around to get a sense of why Tanya would agree to have our wedding in Forks. From what I saw, I could understand why my fiancée loved it. The wedding plan featured an "Enchanted Forest" theme, and while I wasn't very knowledgeable in the arts of wedding planning, even _I_ could tell that Alice's plans were extravagant and beautiful, and everything Tanya could have hoped for.

To prevent the wedding from happening in Forks, I knew I needed to take things into my own hands. There was only one thing I could do: tell Tanya what she didn't know about my past. It's not like I purposefully hadn't told her; I'd offered, but Tanya simply replied that she knew who I was _now_ , and that talking about the past wouldn't change a thing.

Understandably, I couldn't describe the extent of the feelings I had for Bella to my future wife. To Tanya, Bella was simply my first love. She was the reason, but not to blame, for my broken heart. She was why I had left town in the first place, and why I wasn't so keen on returning.

Unfortunately Alice had gotten to Tanya first. Alice twisted the story, convincing Tanya that if I were over Bella, I would have no objections about returning to Forks. Tanya was normally a sensible woman, but once Alice had planted that tiny seed of doubt in her mind there was nothing I could do. I owed it to my future wife, the woman who had rehabilitated me and saved my life.

The only option I had left was to convince myself that it was going to be okay. Everything necessary for the wedding was ordered and ready to go; we were only spending a month in Forks; Tanya was getting the wedding of her dreams; and Bella…

Bella was nowhere to be seen.

But no matter how many times I told myself that, each morning I woke up with the feeling that I shouldn't be here. The ghost of her was haunting me. It was everywhere I looked, everything I saw.

It was painful enough that all of the memories I shared with Bella were here, but now it was as if I was attempting to overwrite them with my new life. It was not only unfair myself, but to Tanya and also to _Bella_. What would she think when she heard the news? This was her _hometown_. There was no reason for me to be here, especially since I had left her and this town without a second look so long ago.

Why had Alice been so relentless in getting me here? What was her end goal? To remind me of my worst regrets? To make me feel guilty on one of the most important days of my life? To remind me that no matter how hard I tried to move on with my life, I would never be able to forget about Bella?

All I know is that I should never have come back.

Nothing good ever comes from dipping into one's past.

* * *

 **There are still lots of unanswered questions. Review/favourite/follow to get some answers?**

 _ **P.S.:**_ **I just wanted to let you guys know that unfortunately I won't be able to update this story as frequently as I'd like to because summer school at my university has started** _ **and**_ **I'm working a full-time job this summer. I promise I will _try_ for weekly updates, but if I can get chapters to you sooner, you bet your ass I will.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Enjoy, good luck, happy reading!**

 _ **Disclaimer**_ **: I own nothing except for the plot.**

* * *

 **Can't Go Back Now: Chapter Six**

 **-.x.-**

" _ARE YOU KIDDING ME?"_

I held the phone away from my ear and grimaced. Rosalie's infuriated shriek echoed from the phone, faint and tinny. Rose was known for being a tad melodramatic, although in this case her reaction was entirely appropriate.

She had called me after my "brunch" with Charlie to see how he was doing, and to check up on me. She knew everything about my difficult past in Forks, and she knew how difficult it had been for me to go back. I had taken my sweet time getting her up to speed on Charlie's health – to avoid _this_.

" _Bella! Seriously – is he actually getting married? In_ Forks _of all places? And you just happened to be there at the same exact moment?"_

I nodded glumly, although Rosalie obviously couldn't see me. "Yes."

" _WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU FOUND OUT?"_ She demanded furiously.

I bit my lip guiltily. Rose had a right to be angry with me. I just really didn't want to face the reality of it all over again. It was so much easier pretending that everything was fine; that it had all just been a bad dream. "I'm sorry." I murmured.

Rosalie immediately noticed the change in my voice. That girl was crazily observant.

" _Oh crap. It's okay, Bella."_ She said tenderly. _"I'm sorry, I know how hard this must be for you. How are you holding up?"_

I exhaled loudly. "I don't know." I told her honestly. "When I found out, I spent the entire night freaking the hell out. I didn't know what to think. I felt sorry for myself, mostly. Then I started to doubt myself. I wanted to leave. I didn't want to face him."

I still don't.

" _I would ask what changed, but I have a feeling I already know. You stopped thinking about yourself and you decided to make Charlie your priority, am I right?"_ Rosalie asked perceptively.

"Well, of course." I sighed.

" _That's good,"_ Rose replied. I could almost picture the proud smile that was probably on her face.

" _But Bella, I want you to know that it's only reasonable for you to freak out. Edward-"_

My heart thudded painfully in my chest at the sound of his name.

"… _broke your heart. You haven't seen him in seven years, and now here he is, getting married in your hometown."_ Rosalie paused, as if taking in the insanity of the situation.

" _If it were me I would have taken my father and left town until the coast was clear."_ She said, chuckling.

I laughed too, wondering if Charlie would have agreed if I had asked him to do that. The answer was simple: yes, he most likely would have.

" _But I'm glad you had that epiphany. It's sad to know that you doubted yourself because you are so incredibly talented, and smart, and successful. I would hate to see you diminish your worth because of someone who doesn't deserve you. You're my best friend, and I love you so much."_ Rosalie said sincerely, her voice wavering.

Despite myself, tears welled up in my eyes. I didn't know what I would do without this girl. She was my rock; the anchor bringing me back down to earth when I got lost in the dark, swirling abyss of my thoughts.

"I know. You too." I managed to tell her past the big lump in my throat.

There was silence on both ends of the lines as we gathered ourselves. I wished Rosalie were here with me. It would make everything so much easier. And Charlie loved her like a daughter, so I know he wouldn't mind in the least. If anything, Rose's extensive knowledge on healthy living would serve me well in the cause to help Charlie get better.

" _So what are you going to do?"_ Rosalie asked after the pause. _"When you see_ him _?"_

I frowned. Running into him was inevitable in a small town like Forks, but I hadn't given it much thought. A part of me wanted to confront him; to yell at him and demand that he tell me what he was really doing here. Another part of me just wanted to let it all go; to just forget, to pretend that none of it happened.

"I…" I trailed off, uncertain.

Rose sighed knowingly. _"Bella, I know you. I know you want answers... but I also know that you're much too proud to ask for them."_

Rose was right; there was a part of me that desperately wanted to know why he had broken my heart and left me all those years ago. It wouldn't have bothered me so much if it hadn't been so much of a mystery. But at the same time, I wanted it to seem as though his presence here didn't affect me in the slightest. I wanted it to seem as though I had completely moved on with my life, and that I wasn't still constantly ruminating over my past. I wanted to be able to walk past him in the street with a cool confidence and my head held high.

" _Bella, you need to speak to him."_

"What?!" I exclaimed in shock.

 _"Just hear me out."_ Rose interjected quickly. _"Yes,_ _it's going to be one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do, but think about it. If you don't, you're still going to be curious. You're still going to want answers. You're still going to be angry. And you're still going to be hurt as hell. How in god's name do you think you'll be able to fully move on after knowing that the two of you were finally in the same town after_ seven years _, and you didn't have the courage to ask for answers?"_

I grimaced, saying nothing. She was right.

Rosalie exhaled deeply at the other end of the line.

"I wish you were here." I told her sadly. "I feel like everything would just be easier if you were here."

She chuckled. _"I don't think that there's anything in the_ world _that could make dealing with this situation easy."_

"But it would definitely numb the pain." I muttered.

"That's what hot n' steamy hook-ups are for!" Rose retorted.

I laughed. Of course she would suggest that. To Rose, good sex was the cure to emotional hangovers. I couldn't disagree, but in this town? "Ugh, no thanks. I already know more about the guys in this town than I'd like to." I shuddered. "And _not_ in a sexually promiscuous way." I tacked on.

" _Yikes."_

"Yeah."

 _"Well you do have old friends in Forks, don't you?"_ She asked. _"Why don't you go and catch up with them? I'm sure they'll be happy to see you."_

I chewed on my lip, thinking about it. Well there was Angela; she had been my closest friend before… I sighed. Before the Cullens came around.

And then there was _Jake._

Poor, sweet Jacob Black. He had been my first friend in Forks. I remember the first time I met him clear as day- Charlie picked me up from the Port Angeles airport and drove me home, and there he was: russet-toned, tall and gangly, leaning against a red pickup truck with a brilliant white smile on his face. His father, Billy, had brought him along to welcome me to my new home in Forks. From then on Jake and I were inseparable.

That was, until Jake had decided that his feelings for me had taken a _romantic_ turn. It all started when Edward came to town. Jacob began to act possessive and jealous, and he would constantly try to come between myself and Edward. And at one point, because of my pity for him, Jacob almost succeeded. I _did_ love him, but in a different way than I loved Edward. And that wasn't good enough for him. The last time I saw Jacob he told me to choose: him or Edward.

I was still unsure whether or not that had been one of the biggest mistakes of my life.

" _Earth to Bella."_ Rose said at the other end of the line.

"Sorry." I quickly apologized. "Just reminiscing.

" _I'll bet you were."_ She said understandingly. _"It's been_ seven years _Bella. Go find out what you've missed."_

Could it be that easy?

I smiled. "I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you, Rose."

" _I know."_ She replied matter-of-factly. _"I feel the same way about you, hon'._ _Now go. Shoo! Venture out into town. Avoid Edward_ _if you aren't ready to face him. Or talk to him, if you are. Either way Bella, you're back. And you can't hide in Charlie's house all day."_

"I can't?"

Rosalie snorted. _"Very funny. Get your ass outside before I come to Forks and drag you out."_

I laughed at her aggressiveness.

" _But seriously, Bells."_ She said earnestly. _"Charlie loves you, and he's happy that you're back to take care of him, but he doesn't want you to put your life on hold until he gets better."_

"Did Charlie call you to talk about his concerns about me _again_?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

" _Just after you left for Forks."_ Rose replied candidly.

I sighed, massaging my temples. "Alright, fine. I'll go out. But that doesn't mean I'll like it."

" _It's your hometown, Bella. You already love it by default."_ Rose countered.

"I hate you."

" _I love you too."_

I sank into my bed tiredly; it was getting late, and although I had slept in I felt even more exhausted than I had before.

"Hey Rose?" I asked quietly.

" _Yes Bella?"_

"Thank you." I murmured. "For everything."

" _Anytime."_

* * *

 **Thank you for all of your amazing support and reviews! It means the world to me.**

 ** _IMPORTANT MESSAGE:_ I just wanted to apologize for posting this chapter so late. I didn't realize how busy my life would be. My job leaves me exhausted and summer school is zapping up all of my creative energy. ****Now I know I promised to TRY for weekly updates, but obviously that was a promise I shouldn't have made. It would be great if you could remain patient with me. Writing takes** _ **time**_ **and** _ **effort**_ **. A big t** **hank you to everyone who _has_ remained patient with me throughout all of this; it's much appreciated!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews, favourites and follows!**

 **As always, enjoy, good luck, happy reading. :)**

 _ **Disclaimer**_ **: I own nothing except for the plot.**

* * *

 **Can't Go Back Now: Chapter Seven**

 **-.x.-**

Heeding Rosalie's advice, I decided to go out and take my piece of crap car down to the La Push mechanic. Everyone in Forks knew that the mechanic there ran a good place; and he never ripped anyone off, unlike the man who ran Forks' only auto repair shop.

I knew that Jacob liked spending time there when we were younger, helping the mechanic work on cars. Part of me hoped that I would run into him there; while another, much more significant part of me hoped that I might actually avoid him.

We hadn't left off on good terms. Naturally, I had chosen Edward after Jacob had asked me to choose between the two of them. After that, Jacob told me that he needed some time and space away from me. I tried to reach out to him, but he was incredibly talented at stonewalling me. I missed my best friend, but it seemed as though none of it really mattered to him once I had made my decision.

After Edward broke up with me and moved out of Forks, I needed Jacob in my life more than ever. I needed him to fill the gaping hole in my chest that Edward had left. But I knew that was too selfish to ask of him, so I didn't. I mourned, I moped, I skulked, I packed my bags, and I left.

Jacob didn't try to reach me once while I was gone. Truth be told, I didn't even know if he knew that I had left. I just knew that I didn't matter enough for him to check up on me.

But so many things had changed since all of that. I know I had. So maybe Jacob did too. Maybe he didn't hate me anymore.

There was really only one way to find out.

I drove my car down the smooth paved road to the Quileute reserve. The roads were no longer a reddish-brown dirt, but a clean slate grey. Even though the forest was still dense and most definitely intact, it felt as though someone had come and industrialized the place.

I missed the rocky roads and wooden signs. They were rustic, and harnessed the feeling of _home_. I wondered what else had changed on the reserve since I last visited.

The garage was exactly where I remembered it had been, except if there weren't broken-down cars in front of it I wouldn't have recognized the place. It had been renovated to include extra garage space, and had a fresh coat of white paint on the outside. The three large garage doors had been painted a beautiful deep red rather than the green they'd used to be, and all the exterior windows had been replaced.

What I saw next made my heart stop.

There was a big sign above the front door. In bold black letters it read _Black's_ Auto Repair and Mechanics.

Jacob was the mechanic. Jacob _owned_ the garage.

I couldn't believe that Charlie didn't tell me. Then again, Jacob was another touchy subject, and my father new better than to dredge up even _more_ painful memories from my past.

I shook my head and stopped gaping, reminding myself to breathe.

It was no big deal. Jacob landed his dream job. This was good.

 _Good for him._

I killed the engine of my car and hopped out, unable to tear my eyes away from the bold black letters of the sign.

A bell tinkled lightly when I pushed the door open to the reception of auto repair shop. Inside smelled of car freshener and traces of engine oil. The reception area was small but incredibly nice. The floors were tiled and spotless, and the waiting area contained fancy black leather couches surrounding a glass coffee table. A flat screen TV hung from the wall, displaying the local news channel. The panelled walls were white, and the receptionist's rather large desk was made of a rich mahogany wood.

The receptionist was a pretty girl with coppery skin and long shiny black hair. She was wearing stylish glasses, and was dressed in a white button-down shirt and black pencil skirt.

She stood up as I approached the desk; there was a flicker of recognition in her eyes when she looked at my face. "Hi, can I help you?" She asked, surveying me from head to toe with a hint of dislike.

I self-consciously looked down at my outfit. I was wearing an oversized red flannel shirt and plain blue jeans. I left all of my classier, pricy clothes in Florida with Rosalie. I never really enjoyed dressing up, anyhow.

"Um," I said hesitantly. "Is Jacob Black in?"

"He's in his office." She answered tersely. "He's very busy at the moment. What's this about?"

"My car." I replied slowly.

 _What else would this be about?_

The receptionist– her nameplate read Kimberley Hill– was clearly familiar with who I was. The only question was, _how?_ I had never laid eyes on her in my life, until now.

"Well, we have other mechanics available-"

Before Kimberly could finish her sentence, the door separating the reception from the garage opened; and in came the man himself.

 _Jacob_.

My breath caught in my chest.

In some ways, he hadn't changed at all. His russet skin was still beautiful; his brown eyes warm and deep; his smile cheerful and infectious. But his hair, which he used to keep in a long ponytail at the nape of his neck, was cropped short and styled differently. He was no longer lanky and awkward, but sturdy; and he carried himself with an assuredness and maturity that had never existed before.

The loss of my old friend washed over me anew. I had forgotten how much I missed him.

Jacob froze in his tracks as soon as he saw me, his smile fading.

He looked absolutely stunned.

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

What could I say? _Surprise! I know we left off on bad terms and you probably still hate me for breaking your heart, but here I am after seven years to repair our fractured relationship. Let's be friends again!_

Because that would go down well.

"Bella?" Jacob asked confusedly, stirring me from my thoughts.

I smiled at him forcefully. "I really didn't think this through." I mumbled.

"What?" He asked, even more confused. He took a step towards me, looking at me as though I were something foreign and spellbinding. "…Is it really you?"

I clasped my hands and nodded awkwardly. "Yup, it's me. Bella Swan. In the flesh."

Jacob crossed the room to where I was and gently cupped my face one of his hands, staring down into my eyes. I had forgotten how tall he was. And how handsome. It's not like I'd never noticed; but the space and time apart had definitely distorted my memory.

"You're here. You're really here." He murmured, confounded.

I smiled uncomfortably. His proximity, his hands on my face, the look in his eyes – it was all so intimate, unnervingly so.

No one had looked at me like that in a really long time.

Realizing that he was staring, Jacob let his hand fall from my face and cleared his throat awkwardly. He stepped away from me and turned to his receptionist.

"Kim, give Quil all of my tasks for the morning." He instructed her.

"I don't want to impose." I interjected, stepping forward.

Jacob waved his hand dismissively, smiling at me. "Don't worry about it."

He paused to stare at me as though he was still amazed that I was here.

"Come with me." He said, leading me through another door in the building. "I want to show you around."

"Sure." I replied gladly, following him.

Frankly, I was pretty taken aback by Jacob's response to seeing me. I never imagined that he would be _happy_ to see me. I at least thought it would be awkward, or tense.

We stopped outside of a large mahogany door that had a plaque with Jacob's name on it.

"This is my office. I don't really spend much time in here, but I thought we could sit and _talk_. Have some privacy." He added.

I nodded in agreement. I was surprised; the old Jacob was more passive aggressive rather than confrontational. He usually liked to brush stuff aside and pretend that things were okay in order to avoid situations that might become to intense or awkward for him to handle.

He opened the door and gestured for me to go in. "After you."

I walked in and looked around. It was very minimalistic. His desk was made of mahogany as well. Behind it was a large black leather swivel chair, and in front were two seats for clients. To the east there was a large window that faced the forest. Facing the window was a pair of small black armchairs on either side of a glass coffee table. A large filing cabinet and a bookcase were placed against the west wall.

Jacob closed the doors behind us and we sat ourselves in the armchairs by the window. He stared into my eyes for a minute before I broke eye contact and looked outside.

"I'm guessing you came back because of Charlie?" Jacob asked, though it was more of a statement than a question.

I nodded. "Yeah."

"My dad told me." He professed. "It was really great of you to come back to take care of your father."

"Thanks." I replied, smiling at him politely. "How is Billy?"

"He's good." Jacob answered briefly.

I nodded again and it was quiet. It felt as though there were so many unspoken words between us. I didn't know where to begin, or what to do or say.

"Bella…" Jacob said, trailing off uneasily. "I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am."

"There's no need-" I started to tell him, but he cut me off.

"Yes, there is." He paused, swallowing guiltily. "I asked for time and space, and then I cut you out of my life completely. I convinced myself that would be good for the both of us. But I did it out of spite – because you were unable to lie to me, to tell me what I wanted to hear even if it wasn't true. I knew what I was making you do and I still asked you to choose." He shook his head, ashamed.

I stared at him, speechless.

"When I found out that you left Forks it was like a piece of me had gone with you." He continued. "I was too late – by the time I got to your house, Charlie told me you were gone."

I frowned. "Why didn't you-"

"Say anything? Do anything? Give you a call?" Jacob asked.

I nodded.

"You think Charlie would let me contact you?" He asked incredulously. "Bella, after Ed…" Jacob couldn't even bring himself to say his name. "After that _asshole_ left you, Charlie called me."

I frowned; this was new information. Charlie never told me about contacting Jacob.

"Charlie told me that you needed me, but I was stubborn. To me, you had made your decision. You had made your bed and you had to lie in it."

Hearing Jacob say that pained me a little. But I didn't know what hurt more, that he actively refused to help me when I needed him the most, or the truth; that he was right.

Jacob saw my face and immediately reached for my hand to reassure me. "But I was wrong, Bella. I was being childish and stupid, but I've changed. I've grown up." He stopped, taking a deep breath.

"Forgive me." Jacob pleaded, looking into my eyes earnestly. "Forgive me for acting like a stupid jerkface and deserting you."

I laughed softly, staring at my old best friend. I could see the regret and worry in his beautiful brown eyes, and the hope that I might forgive him.

"Of course." I murmured.

Jacob broke into a wide grin and pulled me into a warm hug from across the coffee table. "I missed you so much." He told me.

"You have no idea how much I missed you too." I whispered back, clutching onto him.

"I want to apologize too." I said, pulling away. "I should have fought harder to keep you in my life."

Jacob waved his hand dismissively. "It's not your fault. I'm just glad that you're back."

"Me too." I replied honestly. "I forgot how much this place had grown on me." And how much the people had too.

"So," I said, looking around at his office. "You bought the garage."

"I bought the garage." He echoed, grinning. I'd always loved his smile; genuine and bright, making his eyes crinkle a little. It was contagious.

"When did that happen?"

"I started saving up shortly after you left." Jacob told me. "I knew I wanted to do this for a long time, and when you left there was this… _emptiness_ in my life, I guess. So I poured myself into working at this garage."

Of course. There was nothing Jacob loved doing more than working on cars.

"The next thing I know, Joe's offering the garage to me, as long as I went to college and got my degree. So I did, and now here I am. Joe left a couple years back; retired to Hawaii."

I laughed. Joe, the previous owner, had this obsession with Hawaii. I came to the garage one day to let Jacob take a look at the truck I used to own, which used to belong to Jacob's father, Billy. Joe was on one of his rants about being tired of working in the garage all his life, and I asked him where he would go if he had the chance. He thought long and hard, and confidently replied, "Hawaii".

I think I started a fire within him, because the next day he put up a giant scenic poster of a beach in Hawaii behind the desk in his office, and decorated the reception area to look like luau. That was silly, eccentric Joe Miller for you.

Jacob had replaced the Hawaii poster with an old Harley Davidson poster, which reminded me of one of my favourite memories with him.

"Remember the bikes?" I said, grinning at Jacob.

He glanced at the poster and back at me knowingly. "How could I forget?"

It had been before the Cullens had come to Forks; when it was just Jacob and I. Jacob had picked up two old, run-down motorcycles from Lee Stephens' garage sale and we spent the entire summer repairing them – or at least Jacob repaired them while I ate pizza and watched.

Upon completion Jacob and I took them up to a deserted road and tried them out. Jacob mastered the art of riding motorcycles instantly, while I ended up flying off of my bike and practically cracking my head open on a rock. It had been terrifying but so incredibly exhilarating.

"If I had gotten the hang of breaking, I would've totally kicked ass on that bike." I told him assuredly.

"Sure, sure." He replied, chuckling.

I couldn't help but smile. The potential for us to fall back into our old patterns was still there. It felt as though we had just taken a small vacation from each other. I had forgotten how easily we used to get along; our camaraderie was natural, effortless. Seeing him, being with him – it was as though I were a jigsaw puzzle and he was one of the missing pieces. I wasn't completely whole, but a part of me felt fulfilled, in some sense.

I could see something cross Jacob's mind, as his smile suddenly fell a little.

"Listen Bella," he said in a cautionary tone. "I don't know if you know, but-"

I knew where he was going with this. "He's back." I finished for him, slumping a little in my chair. _Crap_. I really wanted to avoid talking about this subject with him.

"Who told-?"

"I saw him." I answered glumly. "And then Charlie told me all about it."

Jacob looked surprised, and a little cautious. "Did you talk to... him?"

"No." I replied, shaking my head. "He didn't see me. Besides, there's nothing to say."

" _Nothing to say_?" Jacob repeated, now looking a little outraged.

I knew that he would be angry with me for saying that. He disliked Edward a lot more than I did, and that was saying something.

"Bella, he's getting _married_ , here, in _Forks_." Jacob said angrily.

I sighed and stood up, exasperated. How many times were people going to repeat that to me? As if I already didn't know!

"Yes Jacob, I am _well aware_ of that." I replied impatiently.

"Does that mean nothing to you?" He asked, also standing up. He towered over me, of course, which was a little intimidating.

"Should it?" I asked back, indignant.

Jacob stared at me firmly. "Yes."

"I'm not here to dig up ghosts from my past, Jacob."

"Then what are you doing _here_?" He asked angrily.

I stared up at him, hurt. I didn't consider him a ghost from my past, not the way I did Edward.

"I came here to talk to you Jake. To try and salvage any piece of what was left of our friendship." I told him heatedly. "I didn't come here to talk to you about _him_."

I walked towards the door to leave, turning around to look at Jacob one more time. "You said you grew up, and you said you changed. I wasn't lying when I said I've forgiven you… but have you forgiven _me_?" I asked him.

Jacob said nothing back, his brown eyes hard.

I shook my head, dismayed by his silence.

" _Fine_. Goodbye, Jacob." I bid him, leaving.

Before I could open the door to the reception, Jacob stormed into the hallway after me, gripping my wrist firmly but not painfully. He pulled me around to face him. But instead of looking furious like I had expected, he looked pained.

"Don't leave." He said. "I'm sorry, Bella. It just drives me insane."

"That I chose him?" I asked irritably.

"That he broke your heart." Jacob replied softly, letting go of my wrist. "That I wasn't there for you when he left. That he's back and you're _still_ hurting."

"I-"

"Don't even try to deny it, Bella." Jacob said, cutting me off. "I can see it in your eyes."

I looked down, chastened.

"Just- can I show you something?" Jacob asked, looking into my eyes.

I nodded hesitantly, unsure of what to expect.

He took my hand and led me inside of the garage. Quil looked up from the car that he was working on and gaped at me. I waved at him half-heartedly and he waved back, still in shock as we passed him.

Jacob led to me a large corner of the room that was unused. In the corner was something huge and bulky underneath a blue tarp. I looked up at him, confused.

"Go ahead; pull off the tarp." He encouraged me.

I stepped forward and pulled it off, gasping when I saw what was hidden underneath.

It was my truck.

My big, red truck; bulbous caps, rounded fenders and all.

"You…?" I said, turning to Jacob, unable to finish my sentence.

He nodded, a big grin on his face. "I kept it."

I stared at him, unable to understand. "But Charlie sold it to someone."

"Yeah." Jacob said. " _Me_. I had one of my guys pay for me and pick it up. It was a piece of you, and I wasn't willing to let anyone else have it."

I blinked away happy tears as I gazed at my old truck.

"I want you to have it, Bella." He told me.

"But I already have a car." I argued. "I brought it here for repairs, actually."

Jacob nodded understandingly. "Alright. At least use the truck while you're here. I'll fix up your car and keep it in the garage."

I smiled at him gratefully, struggling to find the right words. "I don't know how to repay you. This… it means a lot to me, Jake." I said, pulling him into a tight hug.

"It's no problem. Honestly, Bells. I'm just glad that you're back." He murmured, pulling me even closer.

My heart was racing. The feeling of being in his strong arms, being so close to his body… He was warm, and comforting, and he smelled so good. I cautiously looked up at him. He stared down into my eyes, his own brown ones dark with something. With hunger – no, with _desire_. Maybe it was because I was lonely in Forks; maybe it was because it had been some time since I'd last been held like this; or maybe it was because we had both changed a lot, but I had never enjoyed being in Jacob's arms more.

"Go out with me." He said, still holding me close.

I wasn't sure if it was the best idea, but I couldn't bring myself to say no. Instead, I nodded my agreement silently.

"I should go." I whispered after a few moments.

"Okay." Jacob murmured, letting go of me. We switched keys, my car for the truck. "I'll get started on your car. And I'll call you for dinner soon."

I smiled at him feebly. "Sure. Thanks Jake."

He grinned back and kissed the crown of my head affectionately.

I climbed into the truck and put the keys in the ignition, turning them with anticipation. The familiar truck roared to life and I let out a happy sigh, feeling truly whole for the first time since I had been back in Forks.

As I drove home I began to wonder whether or not I had simply imagined my feelings for Jacob. Had I been so caught up in such a sentimental moment that I had fooled myself into thinking that there was something more than just renewed friendship blossoming between us?

And then, there was a part of me – so small that I refused to truly acknowledge its existence; that wondered if I had only said yes to Jacob in an effort to rectify the decision I had made in the past.

The tense feeling in the pit of my stomach worsened.

I had faced Jacob…

Next was the inevitable: _facing Edward himself._

* * *

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	8. Chapter 8

**I'M BACK! I apologize for the extended break in writing. It's been too long. So long, that a lot of you thought that I was going to leave this story unfinished. But now I'm back to let you know that this story is SO far from over.**

 **Thanks for the reviews, favourites and follows everyone!**

 **As always, enjoy, good luck, happy reading. :)**

 **(Disclaimer** **: _I own nothing except for the plot._ )**

* * *

 **Can't Go Back Now: Chapter Eight**

 **-.x.-**

When I had told my father about my field trip to La Push, his eyes bugged out of his head a little. It was hard to tell whether his reaction was out of excitement or anger; but it was most likely a little bit of both. Charlie had always rooted for Jacob and I to end up together, but after Jacob cut me off, Charlie didn't like to speak of him.

My heart skipped a beat whenever I thought of Jake now, and how much he had changed. It was refreshing and most definitely rewarding to see that he had grown into such a mature, ambitious, balanced… _man_. And the way he looked at me; it was the first time I had truly felt desirable in a long while.

The relentless pounding on the door brought me out of my daze and I groaned, throwing the blankets off of my body.

"Alright, alright. I'm coming." I muttered, making my way downstairs.

When I opened the door, I was rendered speechless.

"What…?" I gasped. "How…? When…?"

"Hey Bella."

All I could do was gape at the person standing on the doorstep before me.

Rosalie reached out and pinched my forearm, leaving a red welt.

"Ow!" I yelled, jerking my arm away from her.

"What?" She asked innocently. "You seemed like you needed it."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, a large grin spreading across my face. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'll explain everything _after_ you let me inside. It's depressing as fuck out here." She answered, breezing past me into the house. She was right; despite the warmth in the air it was damp outside and the sky was heavy with the threat of rain.

I took her bags in and closed the door after us.

"Make yourself at home." I said, turning around to see her already sitting cross-legged on the loveseat in the living room. I laughed; of course she'd already settled in. I didn't need to tell her twice.

She looked around the room, fascinated. "I love it here. This feels like an actual _home_."

I murmured my agreement.

Rosalie's ocean-blue eyes narrowed as she studied me. "You seem different." She observed.

I blushed under her gaze and shrugged, setting her bags down at the foot of the stairs before joining her in the living room. I settled down into Charlie's favourite armchair and looked over at my best friend. It was so strange to see her in my old home. She looked so out of place – beautiful and shiny against a dull background.

She was wearing a short-sleeved cream wool sweater and white shorts, her long blonde hair pulled up into a messy bun and her face bare of makeup. And still, she looked as though she had stepped off of the cover of a magazine.

"I, uh… I went to talk with Jake." I told her hesitantly.

Rosalie sat up attentively, all of her attention now focused on me. "Wait- Jake as in Jacob Black? As in your old best friend who completely cut you off when you chose Dickward over him?"

"The one in the same."

"I thought that was a closed chapter." She said, intrigued.

"It was." I admitted. "But you inspired me to make amends."

"And? How was it?" She asked eagerly, leaning forward.

I bit my lip, my cheeks heating slightly.

"It was… nice." I told her, looking down at my lap with a smile.

"Isa _bella_ Swan!" She squealed, reaching out to smack my arm.

I rubbed my arm, scowling at her. "Must you always resort to violence?"

"Yes!" She laughed. "You _like_ him."

I huffed dismissively. "We're _just_ starting to be friends again, Rose. I hardly know who he is now."

She snorted in response, rolling her eyes.

"Besides, my main priority here is to take care of Charlie."

"And where is he, exactly?" Rose asked, looking around the house. I smiled at her sheepishly.

"Bella it's amazing that you came to Forks, and that you went out and made amends with Jacob,"

"But?" I asked.

Rose sighed and smiled at me wistfully. "You need to let yourself actually _live_ if you're going to be living here."

I shook my head. "It's not like I'm going to be here for a long time Rose. I'm just here for Charlie, to take care of him-"

"And then what? When he gets better you're just going to go back to Florida and act as though nothing happened here?" She demanded. "Bella, you just got here. Who knows what'll happen if you give Jacob a chance. It could be great, or it might not be."

That's what I was worried about. I didn't need any more ties to this town; and I especially didn't want to start any kind of relationship here. _Not again._

"I'm going to dinner with him." I told my best friend, trying to placate her.

She smiled widely. "Good. That's a start."

I nodded half-heartedly.

" _Bella_." Rose said, drawing out my name wearily. "It's not really a commitment of any sort. You're simply giving your friendship a chance, and finding out if there's potential for more. It's not a promise to become his girlfriend or get married or have his children. You could be just friends or friends with benefits or straight up fuck buddies. Whatever you're most comfortable with. Just don't hide yourself inside of this house forever."

"I'm not hiding." I snapped defensively.

"That's the spirit." Rose replied, reaching out to squeeze my hand supportively.

I sighed, relaxing. "I'm sorry. I know I'm being difficult."

Rosalie waved my apology away. "You don't need to apologize for defending yourself. You've been hurt, Bella. You've been broken. It's your main instinct to protect yourself. But you painstakingly put yourself back together and it wasn't so that you could just hide yourself away from the world."

"I know." I murmured.

"I'm sorry that I'm being so pushy and forceful. I just want to see you happy, Bella. More than anything else in the world, I want to see you happy." Rose said, eyes shining.

I put my hand over hers and smiled softly. "With you supporting me, I can be. You're my strength, Rose... Having you here means more to me than you could possibly understand. You remind me of the person that I want to be– or rather, the person that I have become."

"Have more faith in yourself, Bella." She told me. "You're stronger than you think. You don't need me, not really. I just want to be here for you the way a best friend should."

"Literally," I replied with a grin. "You're here! In _Forks_."

"Glad you noticed." Rose retorted, laughing. "I spoke to Charlie and he invited me to come up and keep you company."

"And?" I asked her suspiciously.

"And I really want to be here for you when… _it_ happens." She answered, her blue eyes scrutinizing me.

I understood: "it", being when I spoke to Edward for the first time.

I smiled at my best friend gratefully. "Thank you, Rose. I honestly don't know what I would do without you." I admitted.

"I know. That's why I'm glad I'm here." She replied teasingly. "But seriously Bella, I don't know what I would do without you either." She said, squeezing my arm affectionately.

"You would be in Florida; soaking up the sun, rather than here in gloomy old Forks." I answered jokingly.

"Oh shut up, I'm happy to be here." Rose retorted.

I laughed. "You're a great liar."

"You know what would make me happier though?" Rose asked slowly, mischief in her eyes.

"What?" I asked back distrustfully.

"Shopping!"

 **x.x.x**

"Welcome to what is probably the nicest store you'll find in Port Angeles." I told Rosalie, laughing at the crestfallen look on her face.

"You're not serious," she said, surveying the outside with a hint of distaste.

I smiled. "Don't worry, Marlena's is a lot nicer on the inside." I told her as I opened the door and dragged her inside.

In all honesty, it _was_ a lot nicer inside. The store was well stocked, expansive, and well organized. It had another floor that was carpeted and housed change rooms, a spacious seating area, and featured those raised platforms that face large mirrors; much like those found in bridal stores.

Rose looked around the store appreciatively. "You weren't kidding."

"No," I shook my head, looking around. My eyes landed on the dress section, and I was brought back to the memory of the first formal I'd ever attended… with _Edward_.

For freshman and sophomore year, Jacob and I skipped any school formals in favour of takeout and movie marathons at my house. But junior year was different. Edward had asked me to go with him to the spring formal, and I reluctantly accepted. When Alice found out she was ecstatic, and she dragged me to Marlena's to find the perfect dress.

After hours of searching, we found the _one_. It was a beautiful sapphire-blue dress with a sweetheart neckline and two thin straps that tied around my neck, giving the dress a halter-like look. It featured a crisscross ruching detail on the bodice and cinched at the waist before skimming out over the hips. It had a full skirt that ended just below my knee, the hem of which was lined with a delicate lace trim. My skin was cream and roses against the blue of the dress, and I looked astonishingly graceful and elegant. I had never felt more beautiful in my entire life.

I'll never forget the look in Edward's eyes when I descended the marble staircase of the Cullen mansion. Alice made me do it for dramatic effect, and I had been incredibly uncomfortable– until I saw the look in _his_ eyes. One look into those stunning emerald depths and all of my nervousness and doubt drifted away.

When Edward looked at me, it felt as though we were the only people in the room. He stared at me in awe; as though I were the most captivating person he had ever laid eyes on. He didn't look away from me once as I carefully walked down the stairs towards him.

Being me, I tripped down the last few stairs and straight into his arms. It was clichéd, and incredibly embarrassing. Edward steadied me, placing his hands on my waist and holding me close. The look in his eyes took my breath away. "You look absolutely beautiful." He murmured, making me blush several shades of red.

And beautiful didn't even come close to describing how Edward looked that night. He looked otherworldly in his black tux. His hair was perfectly dishevelled, and his green eyes sparkled dazzlingly. I felt like the luckiest person in the world, and at every chance he got, Edward made sure I knew he felt the same way.

We danced the entire night, and Edward never took his hands off of me. Not _once_.

"Earth to Bella," Rosalie said, waving a hand in front of my face. "Are you okay?"

I shook out of my daze and looked at her, plastering a fake smile onto my face. "I'm fine." I told her as convincingly as I could. Which apparently wasn't convincing enough.

Rose stared at me pointedly. "Bella, if this place holds too many memories just tell me and we'll leave."

"It's fine, Rose, really. Let's just shop." _Anything to keep me distracted from these painful memories._

She stared at me hesitantly for a few more seconds before relenting. "Alright, but I get to pick out some things for you to try on."

"Deal." I replied, smiling at her appreciatively. It was amazing how much she reminded me of the girl who'd originally dragged me to this place.

Rose and I picked out several items of clothing, playing around with silly patterns and clothes more risky than I was willing to wear in public. We brought our things upstairs and had just started arguing over what I should try on first, before we were suddenly interrupted.

" _Bella_?"

I frowned in confusion and turned to face my addresser.

There stood Alice Cullen, and not too far behind her, Emmett.

It had been 7 years, but they looked just as I remembered them. Alice was still tiny as ever, with her milky pale skin and ice blue eyes. Her black hair was different- long, waving past her shoulders. Emmett was still gorgeous and muscular, his dark brown hair grown out a little. His brilliant blue eyes were full of shock as he stared at me.

I gaped at the two of them, not knowing what to say.

 _This_ was unexpected.

Emmett was the first to react, breaking into a large grin and pulling me into a bear hug, practically lifting me off of the floor. "It's been too long, baby Bell." He said as he let go of me. "I missed you."

I tried to smile at him though I doubt the expression on my face resembled anything close to it. All I could feel were pangs of pain coursing through my chest. I had missed him too. _So much_. He had been the older brother I never had but always wanted. Seeing Alice hurt even _more_. There was a time when I couldn't imagine living my life without her being a part of it. Seeing them here, now, the adults they had become... it hurt too much.

"I can't believe it's you!" Alice said happily, pulling me into a hug the way her brother had. "What are you doing here Bella?"

I simply stared back at her, still at a loss for words.

"Just a little shopping." Rosalie answered in my silence, coming to stand beside me. "Rosalie Hale, Bella's best friend and roommate." She introduced herself light-heartedly, sticking her hand out to shake Alice and Emmett's.

I noticed a flash of pain in Alice's eyes at Rosalie's words, but it vanished almost as quickly as it had appeared.

"It's a pleasure to meet you! I'm Alice Cullen, and this is my brother Emmett." Alice replied graciously. "We went to high school with Bella, here in Forks."

Rose nodded. "I've heard a lot about you guys."

"All good things, I hope." Emmett piped up, winking at Rose.

Alice and I rolled our eyes simultaneously and smiled.

"Of course." I replied quietly.

I was hit with a sudden realization. If _they_ were here, did it mean that Edward was with them as well? My eyes searched the floor worriedly, my stomach tied in anxious knots. I wasn't ready to face him yet. I mean I knew it would happen eventually, but I didn't think it would happen like _this._ Not here, not now. I hardly thought about what I would say, I hadn't prepared myself for the things he might tell me. And seeing him again would surely awaken emotions I hadn't felt in forever and-

"The rest of our family is back at our old house." Alice suddenly said, interrupting my panic-fuelled thoughts. _Oh thank god,_ I thought fervently. I took a deep, calming breath, feeling my entire body unwind.

"You guys should come over for dinner some time. With Charlie too! I haven't seen him in forever. How is he?" Alice asked sincerely.

"He had a heart attack." I answered without pause.

Alice and Emmett looked at me in horror, while Rose stared on with mild amusement at my tactlessness.

"It was a minor heart attack!" I explained to my old friends quickly. "He's fine, he's in recovery. I flew up here a few days ago to make sure that he was taking care of himself."

They relaxed, their faces transparent with relief.

"Alice? Emmett?"

The four of us turned to look at a woman who'd stepped out of one of the changing rooms.

"Right here, Tanya." Alice replied, raising a hand to get the woman's attention. I didn't have to be a genius to guess who she was.

And boy, was she was beautiful. Her eyes were a clear ocean-blue, and her skin unblemished and porcelain. Her hair was a magnificent shade of strawberry-blonde, and flowed down her back, long and curly. She was tall, lean, graceful. Voluptuous. Perfect.

Tanya was every bit as lovely as my worst nightmares had predicted...

She was everything that I was _not._

And she was marrying the love of my life.

* * *

 **Or rather, _ex-_ love of your life. Tsk tsk, Bella.**

 **Thoughts? (Did anyone notice the line I used from Breaking Dawn? I couldn't help myself haha.)**

 **Next chapter coming soon!  
**

 **Review/favourite/follow if you can't take waiting to meet Edward any longer!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello again everyone! I promised I would be back soon with another chapter, and here I am. Get ready to meet Tanya, folks.**

 **Enjoy, good luck, happy reading. ;)**

 **(Disclaimer** **: _I own nothing except for the plot._ )**

* * *

 **Can't Go Back Now: Chapter Nine**

 **-.x.-**

At that moment it felt as though all of my blood had rushed to my head while my stomach and heart simultaneously dropped to my feet.

 _So this is the woman Edward has decided to spend the rest of his life with._

Tanya approached our group, surveying Rosalie and myself curiously, her eyes lingering on me a second too long. This wasn't exactly how imagined meeting Edward's bride-to-be. In fact, despite picturing whom she might be numerous times; I never actually thought I would meet her. Scratch that, I never _hoped_ to meet her.

Tanya smiled at Rosalie and myself, amiably looking to Alice for an introduction.

"Tanya Denali, this is Rosalie Hale," Alice gestured to my best friend. I watched as she shook Tanya's hand a little too firmly. Rose wasn't holding back.

"And this," Alice said, "Is Bella Swan."

A look of recognition flashed briefly in Tanya's eyes; so brief I was almost sure I had imagined it. Though I knew I hadn't imagined the waver in Alice's voice when she was introducing me, or the slight pause she took before saying my name. Did Tanya know about me? Or rather, _what_ did Tanya know about me?

"Bella and Rosalie just recently flew into town." Alice told Tanya.

"My father was sick. I'm just visiting to make sure he recovers properly." I explained to Tanya, finding my voice. I couldn't believe I was addressing Edward's fiancé. I couldn't believe that my best friend from university and I were standing in a clothing store in Port Angeles, surrounded by Edward's siblings _and_ his future wife.

 _If I'm dreaming, I'd_ really _like to wake up now,_ I told myself, internally shaking my head at the absurdity of the situation.

"I see," Tanya said, shaking my hand. Her hand was soft and dry, unlike my own; which was probably clammy as a result of my nervousness. "Well it's a pleasure to meet you both, and I hope that your father feels better soon." Her voice and eyes held not even a trace of spite. Rather, they were full of earnestness, leading me to believe that she genuinely meant it.

I smiled at her as sincerely as I could. Tanya had more of a right to hate me than I did her, and yet I couldn't help from bristling in her presence. Meanwhile she carried on with niceties, seemingly unaffected. _How did she do it_?

"So how do you guys know each other?" Tanya asked a little too innocently, glancing around at all of us.

"I went to high school with Alice and Emmett," I begrudgingly answered her. _And your precious little Edward_. "And Rosalie has been my roommate since university."

"And how do _you_ know Alice and Emmett?" Rose asked Tanya with mock curiosity.

I fought the urge to elbow my best friend.

"I'm engaged to their brother, Edward." Tanya answered, blue eyes sparkling.

Despite already knowing it, my heart felt a little bruised. Hearing it out loud, especially from the bride-to-be, was more difficult than it should have been.

"In fact," Tanya continued. "We're having the wedding in Forks, which is why we're all here. I just needed a little retail therapy, you know how brides get a few weeks before the wedding." She joked.

I threw an unfocused smile in her direction. I hardly thought that sweet, beautiful Tanya was capable of channelling her inner bridezilla.

 _Is it just me or is it a little too hot in here?_ I pulled on my shirt collar and looked around the room, trying to think of reasons to excuse myself.

This was a little too much in one day.

"You guys should come!" Tanya suddenly said, genuinely excited. "It's a fairly large wedding, and there's more than enough room for more people, especially friends of the groom's family."

I looked at Tanya in alarm, unable to mask my disbelief. I felt Rose shift a little closer to my side. "That's a really generous offer," Rosalie answered for the both of us.

"I feel a 'but' coming on." Tanya said, stopping her. "How about we just start with dinner at the Cullen household? It'll be fun."

Rose and I looked at each other, hesitant.

"Carlisle and Esme would love to see you and Charlie again, Bella." Alice joined in. "And it would be nice for us to catch up."

I looked into my old friend's pleading eyes, my uncertainty slowly melting away.

"Why not?" I finally sighed, giving them a small smile. "It would be nice to not have to cook for once." I joked good-humouredly, making everyone chuckle.

"I still remember how well you cook, baby Bell." Emmett said, giving me a large smile. "I'll never forget that insane lasagne you made for Edward's-"

"So let's exchange numbers and I'll give you the details." Alice said, interrupting Emmett before he could say more. I glanced over at Tanya, who looked completely unperturbed. I wondered how she could remain so composed. God, she must be an incredibly self-assured woman. She clearly had reason to be.

I nodded at Alice. "Sure."

"How does tomorrow night sound?" She asked, taking her cellphone out of her oversized tote bag.

"That's not too soon?" I asked back, startled. "We don't want to impose." More like I didn't want to have to face Edward so soon.

"Nonsense!" Alice exclaimed. "I'll let Esme and Carlisle know."

I nodded in agreement and gave her my contact information.

"Well, it was really nice to see you guys again." I told Alice and Emmett, ready to leave. "And a pleasure to meet you, Tanya."

"See you tomorrow night, Bella." Tanya said, giving me a hug. I hugged her back awkwardly. She smelled really nice. _Add that to the list of wonderful things about her._

I hugged Alice and Emmett goodbye, and Rosalie shook each of their hands. Emmett shook Rosalie's hand. "Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow, Rosalie." He told her, smiling charmingly. For the first time in the history of our friendship, I observed a hint of blush tinge Rosalie's cheeks, and she withdrew her hand, sending Emmett a shy smile.

 _Blushing? Shyness? The loss of words?_

Never had I _ever_ witnessed something like that happen to Rosalie Hale during her interactions with the opposite sex. I raised an eyebrow at her and she rolled her eyes, a hint of the blush still on her face.

With that, Rose and I left our ridiculous amount of untouched clothes in the changing rooms, and we went home.

 **x.x.x**

 **EPOV:**

I set my coffee down on the kitchen counter just as I heard the front door open. I hadn't heard the car pull in, or the key in the door. I had been staring absentmindedly through the window above the sink, thinking. _Remembering_. Wondering how I had even gotten to such an amazing place in life. Everything felt so surreal.

Alice and Tanya entered the house, followed by Emmett; who was ladled down with several shopping bags. Tanya approached me and I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her lips softly. "Did you find everything that you were looking for?" I asked my fiancé.

"Everything…" She answered, and it sounded as though she was going to say more, but she simply paused and smiled. "What have you been up to, mister?"

"Going over last minute details on contracts for the wedding, and waiting patiently for you to come home," I replied, kissing the tip of her nose and letting her go.

Tanya laughed and grabbed a glass from the dishwasher, filling it up with water from the fridge dispenser. "And where are my lovely in-laws?"

"Visiting old friends," I answered. Carlisle had made many friends while working at the hospital in Forks. They were all quite surprised to hear about my engagement to Tanya but of course were excited to attend the wedding. Harold Greene, my old high school principal and good friend of my father's, had gone so far as to ask if I'd never reunited with Bella after graduation. I simply told him that we had chosen different paths. In reality she was nowhere to be found; and she probably didn't want to be, especially by the likes of me.

"Okay. Well I'm going to go freshen up… Care to join me?" Tanya asked, slinking over to where I was and placing her hands on my chest, slowly dragging them lower.

"In a few minutes," I replied, kissing her cheek. "Let me just finish up here."

She pouted but relented nonetheless. "Alright, but don't keep me waiting too long."

"Of course not," I promised with a smile, watching her go upstairs.

I turned to Alice, who had climbed onto a kitchen stool and was watching me carefully. I crossed my arms and stared back at her, wondering what she wanted. Things had been tense between us since she went behind my back and told Tanya about Forks. We had been careful to stay out of each other's way, only really speaking to each other when necessary. She _was_ the wedding planner, after all.

"You'll never guess who we ran into today." Emmett said, distracting me from my staring match with Alice.

I turned to him, well aware that Alice was still staring holes through me. "Who?"

"Bella Swan," he answered, putting the shopping bags down before making his way to the fridge. "She was with a gorgeous friend – Rosalie," Emmett continued but I hardly heard him. I had stopped listening after _"Bella Swan"_.

My eyes flashed back to Alice's and she looked at me innocently. I wondered if she had anything to do with this.

"Anyways, I'm going to go pick Jazz up from the airport. Alice you're coming right?" Emmett asked her. She nodded and hopped off the kitchen stool, following him outside before I could ask any questions. I flinched when the door slammed closed. I was still reeling from Emmett's words.

Bella was in Forks, after all these years? _Why now?_

"Edward," Tanya called to me impatiently. I broke out of my thoughts, remembering that my fiancé was waiting for me upstairs.

"I'll be up in a minute," I replied hoarsely, still trying to wrap my head around this news.

If Bella was in Forks, I needed to see her.

Had she been here long? _What did she know?_

I needed to talk to her, to tell her why I was here and that I wouldn't be in Forks if I had a choice. Even though she wasn't a part of my life anymore I just needed to look at her, to see the person she had become. I needed to see what I had left behind, even if it hurt like hell.

Was she different? Or was she still the same beautiful, self-assured girl that had changed my life all those years ago?

Well I was going to find out, _first thing tomorrow._

* * *

 **:O!**

 **The next chapter will be up in a week (this is a legitimate promise). Remember to leave me some feedback, as I really enjoy hearing your thoughts!**

 **Don't forget to review/favourite/follow!**

 **Ciao for now.**


	10. Chapter 10

**Welcome back to another chapter! It's only been one day since I posted the last one, but I already had this chapter written and I was _really_ impatient to post it.**

 **So there were a lot of questions in the reviews, and normally I don't do this but I thought I would clear this little matter up:**

 **After Edward broke up with Bella, it was** _ **Bella**_ **who severed ties with Alice and the rest of the Cullen family (who would have loved to have kept Bella in their lives even after leaving Forks, because they cared for her as more than just Edward's girlfriend). This _is_ mentioned briefly in **_**Chapter 5.**_

 **Apologies on my part, I'll work harder in the future to make details like that clearer!**

 **Enjoy, good luck and happy reading, everyone. :)**

 **(Disclaimer** **: _I own nothing except for the plot._ )**

* * *

 **Can't Go Back Now: Chapter Ten**

 **-.x.-**

I lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling as the sky began to lighten. I couldn't stop thinking about yesterday's events: seeing Alice and Emmett, and meeting Tanya for the first time.

Seeing Alice reminded me of the amazing friendship we shared, even if it was short lived. Other than with Rose, I had never been able to meet a person and instantly click with them the way I did with Alice. I missed her, and Emmett too, who had gone to college before my relationship with his brother met its end. Emmett had been the older brother I always wanted: protective without being overbearing, goofy, fun. I still felt immeasurable guilt for cutting them out of my life. It was one of the things that I regret most after the fallout. It was childish of me, because I had loved them as people – with or without my connection to Edward.

Then there was Tanya: sickeningly sweet and impossibly charming – to the point where it was almost unreal. Maybe it was unreal. Maybe it was all a façade and she was really a crazy bitch in disguise. The thought of that was quite assuring.

I still couldn't believe that she invited Rose and I to her wedding. Sure it wasn't exactly a formal invite, but it had gone down nonetheless; and she wouldn't have said it if she didn't mean it. Imagining Edward, dashing and handsome in a perfectly cut suit; waiting at the altar for Tanya, who was bound to be in some breathtaking designer wedding dress; made me uneasy.

I turned over and stared at Rosalie, who was fast asleep. I couldn't be more grateful to have her by my side. The fact that she came all the way to Forks to be my support system was unbelievably amazing. She was helping me find my backbone, which I had clearly lost since my arrival in this godforsaken town. I shook my head and rolled onto my other side, trying to get comfortable again.

Maybe going to dinner at the Cullens' would be a good thing. I could apologize to Alice and Emmett, see Esme and Carlisle again, and have the chance to tell Edward everything I never got to say. Then maybe I would have some peace of mind.

I glanced at my alarm clock to see that it was almost seven in the morning. I groaned quietly. _Wonderful_. It was seven in the morning and there was no chance of me falling asleep again, especially not with the multitude of thoughts I had running through my head.

Careful not to wake Rose, I snuck out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans and a light shirt, grabbing my raincoat in case it decided to rain. I needed a good walk and some fresh air. I quietly made my way downstairs and slipped outside. The morning air was surprisingly crisp and slightly damp, but my jacket allowed enough protection that I wasn't uncomfortable.

I decided to follow the path in the forest behind my house. I walked along it once a long time ago, but not very far because I had a terrible sense of direction. I figured I was now old enough not to get lost. _Right_?

I entered the forest and paused to take in my surroundings. It was as if I had walked into an alternate universe where everything was green; from the tree trunks and forest floor covered in a layer of moss to the canopy of leaves that fell from the overhead branches, even the light that filtered down from sky was tinged with it. I couldn't remember why I had once hated this place so much. The stillness of the forest was comforting – the unfamiliarity of it even more so.

All was quiet except for the wind whistling through the trees and the soft crunch of my feet on the forest floor as I continued further in. My eyes followed the path on the forest floor, wondering who'd made it and where it led.

I hadn't gotten far when there was a loud snapping sound behind me. I froze, panic rising in my chest. I was too scared to turn around in fear that I would come face to face with a bear or wolf or some other large animal known to roam the forests of Forks. I briefly considered running, but with my terrible coordination I knew I wouldn't get very far.

"Bella."

My body tensed further. I knew that voice. I'd memorized that voice. I could remember it anywhere.

 _Shit!_

I turned around haltingly, my eyes gradually focusing on my addresser.

Edward _._

Up close he looked even better than before. He was wearing a light jacket over a thin grey sweater and dark jeans, and his smooth bronze hair was ruffled and messy, as though he had just gotten out of bed. His perfect jaw was clenched, his soft lips drawn in a line.

If I hadn't known that he was in town, I would've thought I was dreaming. He looked picturesque against the backdrop of the forest, as if my mind had conjured the perfect image of him and placed him amidst a place equally as beautiful.

 _What was he doing here?_

I made eye contact with him, and he gazed at me with an unsettling intensity. I shivered. We stood there, just staring, for what felt like an eternity. I couldn't bring myself to look away.

"Edward," I managed to utter in my shock.

"Hi," he said softly, running a hand through his hair. He only did that when he was stressed or nervous. I didn't like that I remembered that.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, though it didn't come out half as harsh as I intended it to. I folded my arms across my chest protectively.

"I saw you walking into the forest and I followed you," he answered sheepishly. "Alice told me that you were in town, and I had to come see you."

"At seven in the morning?" I asked him incredulously.

"Yes." Edward looked at me intently as he came closer, stopping about an arm's length away – just close enough that I could smell his warm, musky scent. He smelled the same as I remembered, and I hated myself for even remembering. "I couldn't sleep. I needed to see for myself that you were here." He ran his hand through his hair again and exhaled sharply, surveying me.

"I had no choice; Charlie was sick," I responded straightforwardly.

"Is he alright?" Edward immediately asked, alarmed.

Seeing the concern in his eyes completely threw me off. "He'll be fine," I answered, looking away.

"Thank goodness," he murmured with a relieved sigh.

I could feel his eyes search my face as I stared at anything but him. I had to force myself to look away because the more I stared at his perfect face, the more intense my emotions became.

I had anticipated that this would be difficult, but nothing could have prepared me for how hard it was to be around him. My entire being was fighting to ask him for a reason why. _Why did you break my heart?_ Even if it had been years ago, the pain was washing upon me anew. The ghost of the hole he had made lingered in my chest, even if I _had_ moved on with my life. I wish I didn't care so much. I wished this were easier, that I could stay angry with him.

There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but I couldn't find the words. Where was my courage when I needed it?

We stood there in silence, not looking each other, neither of us knowing what to say next.

"Can we sit for a moment?" Edward implored, glancing at me from under his thick, dark lashes. I nodded hesitantly.

He took off his jacket and spread it across the top of a fallen log, motioning for me to sit. He sat beside me, close enough for our legs to touch but not quite. I looked up at his divine face, waiting for him to say something, for an explanation, _anything_. He gazed back at me, and I knew he was aware that I was still looking for answers.

"I don't know how to tell you this," Edward started, staring out at the forest and searching for the words. My heart thumped painfully in my chest.

"I'm getting married in less than a month."

I sighed, dissatisfied. That was old news.

Edward searched my face for a reaction. "It wasn't my idea-," he continued haltingly. "Well it _was_ my idea to get married, but believe me Bella, I never imagined the wedding would take place in Forks."

 _Yeah, right._ I internally rolled my eyes, keeping my face as blank as possible. How would Tanya even know to hold the wedding in Forks if it wasn't for Edward? It wasn't as if this was his hometown, for heaven's sake.

"I know." I told him coolly.

Edward stared at me in surprise. "You do?"

"It's hard for people to sit on big news in a small town." I simply replied. It wasn't as if I was going to tell him the truth; that I saw him outside of the diner and exploded at Charlie before having a mini midnight meltdown.

Had that really happened? _God that's pathetic._

"So you met Tanya," Edward said, mostly to himself. He looked stunned. He probably never imagined that _that_ would ever happen.

"Yes. She's great." I forced myself to say. Even if it were true, I didn't want to talk to Edward about how wonderful the woman he moved on with was. He gave me a small smile and agreed absentmindedly.

"Bella, where did you go after high school?" He suddenly asked.

"Um," I replied, taken aback by his unexpected question. "Florida."

"Florida?" Edward echoed, glancing over at me.

"My mother moved to Jacksonville." What was with the questions? _Were we really making small talk right now?_

"Ah, I see," he replied with a nod. "How is Renee?"

I wanted to tell Edward that he had no right inquiring after the people in my life, but I couldn't. I could see it in his eyes again; that he really did care. It kept throwing me off because I didn't understand _why_. "They're doing well," I answered him.

Of course Renee had been devastated to learn about what happened between Edward and I. After Charlie sent me to Florida, my mother refused to let me wallow in self-pity and misery. Phil got me last minute entry into the English program at UF, and Renee signed me up for writing workshops throughout the rest of the summer. That was when I first started working on my book, when I started to make strides in my life.

"That's good." Edward murmured, breaking me out of my reverie. I nodded awkwardly. "What did you do in Florida?"

"I went to UF and specialized in Creative Writing." I replied, tucking my hair behind my ear uneasily. "I've been living there ever since."

"Really?" Edward asked, looking at me attentively. "And have you written anything?"

I didn't know whether I should tell him the truth or not. My book was incredibly personal, which is why I had it published under a pseudonym. Very few people knew that I was the face behind my book – other than my publicist there were three: Charlie, Rose and Renee.

"I've dabbled a bit in writing, yes," I ended up telling Edward, not meeting his eyes.

"I'd love to read something of yours," he told me honestly, briefly touching my leg with his.

And there it was; the old familiar spark. Every time he touched me it was like touching a live wire, sending little shockwaves through my entire body. I thought it had been all in my head, and maybe it was; I didn't know. I'd met guys in Florida that I had incredible chemistry with, but none so much that I could literally _feel_ it.

Edward cleared his throat uncomfortably and shifted his eyes away from mine.

"What did you do, after…?" I trailed off awkwardly. Although I wanted nothing more than to escape this conversation, I was genuinely curious to know where he had gone after abruptly breaking up with me and leaving Forks.

"Nothing half as interesting," he joked while giving me a small smile, which I returned against my own will. "I completed my honours in Economics and went on to complete my JD at Harvard Law."

I couldn't help my jaw from dropping. "Wow. I knew you were planning on making your way into the big leagues but _Harvard_?" Edward was humble, shaking his head and saying he never really felt worthy of it all.

"I'm glad you were able to pursue your dreams." He told me quietly, fixing his beautiful emerald eyes onto mine.

"You too." I murmured back, heart racing.

There was a pause in our conversation as the two of us broke eye contact and looked into the forest in opposite directions. I wondered if this was as difficult for him as it was for me.

But it was good that we were able to talk like this, even if it wasn't exactly what I had imagined. It was slowly dawning on me that all of this; my nervousness to see Edward, needing answers from him, thinking about a relationship that I had seven years ago – it was all so excessive. Pitiful, really. I had thought about it so much to the point where I had psyched myself out completely.

Edward had moved on with his life and accomplished so much; and so had I. Talking about it – just hearing it out loud, further proved that. Edward was clearly going to be an amazing lawyer and have a good life with Tanya, and hopefully I would be as successful when it came to my books and my life. We existed in different universes now. We were different people. I was slowly beginning to see that that was enough.

"I should go." Edward said after a few more moments of silence. The time on his wristwatch told me that we had only been out here for half an hour, and yet it felt as though we had been here a lifetime. I nodded and murmured my agreement. I needed to get back before Rose and Charlie noticed that I was gone.

We stood up and Edward brushed his jacket off, folding it in his arms. He followed closely behind me as we walked back up the trail. When we reached the clearing beside my house we stopped.

"She invited me to the wedding, you know," I said to Edward before he could leave.

He looked taken aback, this clearly being news him. "Are you going to come?"

"I don't know," I murmured honestly, looking at his apprehensive face. It hurt less now. "Do you want me to?"

He stared at me, and I could see the deliberation going on behind his eyes. It was trivial of me to ask, but I could understand if he didn't want me to. "Do _you_ want to, Bella?"

In all honestly I hadn't thought about going. Why would I? I wasn't exactly friends with Edward or Tanya, and there was too much of an awkward history between all of us. It was kind of Tanya to invite Rose and I, but after tonight's dinner a little separation from my old life would do me some good. "I don't know," I answered him.

He nodded understandingly and walked me up the front steps of my house. "See you tonight, Edward," I bid him.

"What?" He asked, confused. Clearly no one had run the dinner by him, either.

"Tanya and Alice invited Rose, Charlie and I to dinner tonight." I explained hesitantly.

"Right," he muttered, exhaling hard and running a hand through his hair. It was almost comical how stressed out he looked at the prospect of having dinner with his ex-girlfriend and future wife.

"Well, goodbye," he said, smiling absently and walking to his car. I gave him a small wave and watched as he drove away, until he was entirely out of view.

The street was quiet now, but the birds were finally awake and calling to each other. The sun was starting to make an appearance over the forest, and it was getting warmer. Everything was as it should be.

It was as though my brief exchange with Edward had never happened.

When I entered the house it was still silent. I made my way to the kitchen and started on breakfast for Rose and Charlie. A few minutes later Rose hobbled into the kitchen, still looking half-asleep. "Where have you been?" She asked with a yawn, sitting down at the kitchen table.

I gazed through the kitchen window at the forest, thinking about my surreal experience with Edward. The initial shock was over; now I was just replaying everything in my head. I wanted to tell Rose all about it, but I felt as though I had properly come to terms with the whole situation by myself. I didn't want to dissect my conversation with Edward just yet. Not while I was still making revelations on my own.

"Earth to Bella," Rose said, waving her hands to recapture my attention.

"Huh?" I mumbled, snapping back to reality. "Oh."

Rosalie gave me a pointed look, ordering me to explain myself.

I smiled at her, trying my best to appear neutral. "I went for a walk in the woods."

"Well it must have been one hell of a walk," she muttered, taking a bite out of a piece of wholegrain toast.

I shrugged nonchalantly, though I knew, _it really had been._

* * *

 **I write purely for the fun of it, and I find it great that I'm able to share my stories and ideas with you, but** **I'm still quite new to this and I'm still finding my footing. All I ask is that you be patient with me.**

 **Thank you everyone for your reviews, as they are both inspirational and constructive. They mean a lot to me.**

 **Until next time!**


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